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November 8, 2006

Telling of Time

How I have missed you all! I feel somewhat severed from the world when I can't come here and write. So what shall it be today? I could do the huge catch-up post, where I bring everybody up to date on what I've been doing the last few weeks. That gets so old, though. Halloween, company, yada yada yada... I mean, yeah, it's informative, and you're all dying to know how much candy I've eaten in the last few days, I just know it. But I get bored with the update. Reading it, and writing it. I'll make you a deal. I'll post some pictures in the next post- and let's call it even. At the moment, I just need to clear out my head a little.

I am sitting on the deck right now, as Czarina completes some worksheets and HeroBoy plays outside. It feels good out here, and I needed the fresh air. The fall colors are beautiful! I am hoping to absorb some of those vibrant hues, because I am feeling a bit faded lately- mentally and physically. The pregnancy is going okay- textbook, no complaints. The kids are good, homeschooling is fine, everything is really just, well... fine. But I still find myself blue on occasion. I think of taking a walk by myself somewhere, out in the autumn kaleidoscope. I think of going to a movie with my sisters. I think of making Thanksgiving dinner, finishing my Christmas projects, calling the people in my life that I've neglected lately. I think of all the things I want to do and all the things I need to do and I retreat a little because it just makes me tired. When I walk past a mirror, I can see it reflected in my face now, and that bothers me. I feel pale. Shadowy.

So I sit outside, watching big yellow leaves drifting from the trees like falling stars, and I make my wish. That the light and breeze will chase away my melancholy, and leave me with peace. Because that's what I really want. I don't want to be encumbered anymore by the past, and I don't want to be afraid of the future. I want to know there is time for everything. Time to learn to love more deeply, to forgive more completely. Time to explore and enjoy and savor life. Time to care about others more, to care for myself more. Time to do the things I want to do, time to do the things I should do- and time to learn the difference between them. Time to learn when to speak, when to listen. When to hold on tight, and when to let go.

I can't think of a way to finish that thought. So I think instead, I'll let just let it be. I'll make myself a cup of hot chocolate, and enjoy the sights and sounds that herald the end of one season, and the beginning of another.

Funny, that. Even nature answers to the dictates of time.

Good to be back, by the way. I really did miss you. More writing in the days to come... things are better and brighter when there aren't so many words stuck in my head with nowhere to go.

The Daily | By WonderGirl | 1:31 PM

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Comments

Posted by: auntj at November 8, 2006 4:16 PM

Email "Telling of Time" to a friend!