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October 12, 2007
Chuck Norris
Who hasn't watched Texas Walker Ranger with their Grandma? You know you have. And here's why: Chuck rocks. Check out his biceps. His fierce gaze. His killer high-kick. His dreamcatcher. (Proof that he's not only strong, he's enlightened, too.)
For your viewing pleasure:
Whew. That one glove thing is HOT.
And now, some Chuck Norris Facts (as if you didn't already know them):
- Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
- There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
- Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
- The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
- Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
- Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
- Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
- If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Wow. Whatta man.
Funny Business | By WonderGirl | 9:26 AM
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Comments
lol... I love it... and, oh, yeah... I used to love watching Chuck Norris on tv... the good guys wore white hats... and the good guys always won... ya just gotta love that...
p.s. you know... cloning might not be such a bad idea... just clone an army of Chuck Norrises and then let the good guys win all over the world...
Posted by: spiderlillies at October 12, 2007 9:55 AM
I used to watch Walker, only b/c it came on before Dr. Quinn.
I know somebody who named his parakeet Texas Ranger. I wonder if it's as deadly.
Posted by: emily at October 12, 2007 2:43 PM
hey, i seriously want to learn how to stare down a book until it gives up the info. if anybody out there knows Chuck personally, please send him my way, i've got some high school textbooks that don't want to cooperate!
Posted by: auntj at October 12, 2007 8:09 PM
Here's my all-time favorite:
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Posted by: Brian at October 15, 2007 9:04 PM
Oh, yes. That was sweet.
Posted by: WG at October 16, 2007 9:02 AM
