Love Means Saying I'm Sorry

March 2, 2008

Love Means Saying I'm Sorry

HeroBoy broke a little bit of my heart yesterday.

He has a habit of spilling cups at the table. After the umpteenth ruined plate of food, my patience begins to wear thin. I try not to let that stuff get to me, but I have to admit, it happens occasionally.

So, he spills, and I didn't hide my irritation. "Well, go get a towel!"

He did, and began to wipe it up, but was making more of a mess.

"HeroBoy!" I sigh. "Nevermind, I'll do it. Just go outside and play."

There was no doubt, mama wasn't happy. I am not proud to say that. I should have been more patient. More gracious. More merciful. But I wasn't. I indulged my irritation, and I snapped at him.

About fifteen minutes later, I hear a knock at the door and I can just make out the top of HeroBoy's head. I opened the door, and there he is, holding out a big, beautiful azalea he picked from the yard, bottom lip trembling.

"I'm sorry, Mama. I'm sorry I made a mess," he said, with tears brimming up in his deep brown eyes.

Well, my heart just shattered. I was downright ashamed. Ashamed that I let my poor attitude over a minor inconvenience so profoundly grieve him. I forgot for that moment just how much I matter in his world. Forgot that I basically AM his world right now, and if things aren't peaceful between us, there is no solace for him anywhere else. That a moment that is so minor to me, can be everything to him. That me not being happy means he's not happy, either.

So I hugged him, a big, squeezy hug, made a big fuss over the flowers, and told him I was so sorry for getting mad. I told him how much I loved him, and that he is a good boy and I dried his tears while blinking back mine. Then we went to put the flowers in water, and left that hurt behind.

I can do that now. I can make it better, I can restore his heart to mine because he is young and he loves me and I'm his world just because I'm his mama. But it won't always be that way.

That's why it's so important now, for me to learn to parent with respect for my child. To really understand my position of authority in his life, that it must be gentled with the realization that this is a child of God. He is, in fact, my brother in Christ. It doesn't diminish my responsibility or my position in his life, but I've got to remember that my power doesn't come from me being bigger, or smarter. It doesn't come from me being more spiritually mature, from being able to keep my cup from spilling at the table, or even from being the one who grew and birthed him! It's a Divine appointment. I've been entrusted with one of His precious ones. That's huge. And it's hard.

It is these moments that remind me how vital the fruits of the Spirit are for mothers. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Gentleness. Self-control. Oh, I need those things desperately! Every day, every moment.

I want to display Christ to my child, the fruits of the Spirit, and less of my sinful nature. Oh, I know, I'll fail. I can't be perfect. I am going to sin against my children, because I am a sinful being. But when that happens, I need to repent, confess, and do better! Yes, even to a child! I think as parents we fall into a trap of thinking that we don't owe our kids an explanation for our behavior, or that an apology will undermine our authority. Or, maybe we think we are always in the right because we're older and wiser. OR that it doesn't matter anyway, such a little infraction against them. That being restored to each other in these small moments doesn't really matter. But it DOES matter.

For my child to see repentance and forgiveness worked out in their mother's life- not only to see it, but to be a participant in it-- what better teaching tool than that? Teach them to be repentant, by being repentant. Teach them to be honest, by being honest. Teach them the fruits of the spirit, by partaking of them together.

Anyway, just thought I'd share my thoughts from my weekend on this Sunday night.

Hope you all have a good week!

Child of Mine , Spiritual Places | By WonderGirl | 5:57 PM

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Comments

just what I needed to hear this Monday morning. Thanks Wondergirl!

Posted by: amy v at March 3, 2008 9:47 AM

How beautiful... God is shining through you...

I wish I'd been blessed with babies... so I could let you be my example of how to be a good momma...

Posted by: aunt vickie at March 3, 2008 12:13 PM

I don't think there's a mother on earth (or at least not a good one!) who can't identify with your experience. Thank you for the beautiful reminder of the importance of our role as parents in representing God's love to our children.

Posted by: Lorelei at March 3, 2008 1:11 PM

Shannon, One time we were at Gulf Shores on the last day, packing to leave and I told all the children to stay in one particular place. When we went to load up, one child was missing. We went looking and looked and looked...I was beginning to panic (but, mainly, just becoming really angry at him for leaving). I looked up and there he was coming out of the cheapest little trinket gift shop on the strip...I landed into him with harsh chastisement for walking off witout permision, etc and really went overboard with anger at his disobedience....well, after I quientened down, he shyly pulled out a little small ship's wheel with a pelican on it souvernir which he had just bought with his own money...to give to his papa and me as a gift!!! It still makes me cry to think about that scene! He had really and sincerely been trying to surprise us with a gift. I did not handle the situation properly and to this day, I am embarrassed to think about that incident. Anyway, keep praying, loving, and trying to do the right thing with your children and the LORD will help you! (And help them mature too!)

Posted by: Cindy Douglas at March 3, 2008 1:26 PM

Thanks for the reminder.

Posted by: lynnp at March 3, 2008 4:30 PM

Thanks for reminding me!

Posted by: Djacks at March 3, 2008 5:04 PM

Oh, blinking back tears, here. As usual, you hit the nail on the head.

Posted by: Moriah (Please Pass the Salt) at March 3, 2008 5:57 PM

thanks for that WG

Posted by: ash at March 3, 2008 10:17 PM

You are such a wonderful mother, Shannon, and it shows in your children even though I don't know them that well except through Vickie. One thing you might want to do for Hero Boy is instead of saying, "don't spill your drink" say "hold your drink tight". I heard this once and believe it or not it worked on my grandchildren. They hear "spill" and that's what they end up doing. If they hear "hold" then they usually spill less. Well, unless they are my granddaughter Amanda who will be 18 tomorrow and can still spill and trip over the flowers in the rug. But she's precious to me anyway.

Posted by: Bevely at March 4, 2008 11:22 AM

That's a good idea! I'll change my terminology and see if that saves my tablecloths. :)

Posted by: WG at March 4, 2008 11:45 AM

Well, you did leave out the part where he was acting like it was no big deal and that he would wipe it up later. I'm a witness, who also snapped a little too hard.

Posted by: Patrick at March 6, 2008 12:58 PM

Ok let me see if I can type this through these tears. You just really broke my heart too. How many times in my life did I do that to my own children and sadly did not do what you did to undo the damage.

Posted by: aunt charlotte at March 7, 2008 11:10 PM

March 2, 2008