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July 18, 2008
Living for Me
Oh, how I miss our church in B'ham. Well, thank goodness for the internet, and email newsletters from the pastor! In the last one, he included a quote by J. P. Moreland on how sin curves us in on ourselves. Warning-- yeowch! Anybody else out there besides me loving self a bit too much? Watch out, then. This'll sting a little.
| Pursuit of the demands of the empty self and the cultivation of a life of self-denial under Jesus' lordship constitute two very different approaches to life that produce radically different sorts of people. It is here that the two different understandings grab us by the throat, shake us to the core, and demand we make a choice of lifestyle strategies. This choice is as important as any one you will ever make, and that is not religious hype; it is the sober truth.
If pleasurable satisfaction is your goal, then from morning to night your habituated focus will be on three things - "me, myself, and I." You will constantly be monitoring your own happiness temperature, and your activities (job, recreation, church involvement) and other people (friends, spouse, children, and even God himself) will be mere things, objects that simply exist as a means to your own happiness. You will have great difficulty forming meaningful attachments to other people. If you are shy, you will withdraw from people - not to find solitude to reenter relationships with solid boundaries and emotional/spiritual refreshment, but to attack them and find safety that keeps you from having to change. You will hide from others and fail to give them what they need from you to grow in spiritual formation and friendship. If you are outgoing, you will repress your fears and shame by becoming socially aggressive. You will talk all the time in social situations and not develop skills as a good listener, or if you don't know how to listen to others, it will be a front to earn the right to turn the conversation back to you at the earliest opportunity. After several years of this sort of life, you will become a self-absorbed, empty narcissist. A culture of people w who live this way will be a culture that elevates celebrities. A celebrity is someone given attention because of his or her image or ability to get others to live their lives vicariously through the celebrity's life, such as it is. This is an ugly form of codependency between trapped empty celebrities and passive empty fans! Empty selves exchange a life of drama for Turkish Delight." |
Not much left to say after all that. I realize that one of the blessings (sometimes disguised as tribulation!) of motherhood is the opportunity to confront my selfishness on a daily, no, HOURLY, basis. I am confronted by my self-centered behaviors and laziness All.The.Time. God knew that I needed four children! It's a lesson I seem to require every fifteen minutes, judging by the demands of family life.
Thickheaded as I am though, I have figured out that I am the happiest and most content when I surrender, when I sacrifice, when I give. Not that the lesson stays long, because I eventually wander back to selfishness and poutiness and entitlement and all that. If I decide my needs are not being met, whatever those are, that I don't get to jog enough, or write enough, or have peace and quiet, or go shopping-- well, then. Am I happy? No!! Not at all! I am downright miserable! The more I analyze just what I need to make ME happy, the farther away from it I get.
But, If I stop looking at how others can meet my needs better, and instead look at how I might meet the needs of others better-- and then DO IT, well, I find myself inexplicably, happier! It's not a trick, or denial, or suppression of how I really feel. I am genuinely happy and satisfied. It's the workings of the Holy Spirit within us-- that when we are obedient, we are happy. We're created that way. When we give, we receive. When we minister to, we are ministered upon. When we bless others, we're blessed in return. You know it, and so do I! So why? Why do we try to fulfill all our own desires? Why do we constantly try to manufacture our joy and contentment? Because we believe the lie, because we sin, because we're human.
We'll never get the results we want, if we don't reject those lies, and embrace the Truth. Pursuit of our own happiness leads in the totally wrong direction. It's about laying down that old, sinful man within us, and picking up the cross, and going that-a-way, the way He went. It's about serving others as Jesus served, loving as Jesus loved, living as Jesus lived.
So, after reading Moreland's sharp words, I ask myself, who is benefiting from the work of my hand today? Who am I serving? Who am I loving? Who am I living for? Oh, it's true enough that I made the meals and did the laundry and met the other daily needs. But what was my heart like today? With whose happiness was I concerned? Only I know that, only I know how generous my spirit was, or wasn't.
Tough questions. Sad, though, because the answer should really be very simple.
Anyway, just some thoughts today, a little introspection, outrospected. Ha.
Spiritual Places | By WonderGirl | 3:44 PM
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Comments
me again... i'm in b'ham and a friend of the oswalt sister/sister-in-law who is here too. i'm a crec wannabe :). were you at their church when you were here?
Posted by: sarah at July 18, 2008 9:35 PM
Hey...Shannon...send this to my e'mail address...I couldn't get it there....thanks...I like the message....it is something I'd like to mull over......if ya know what i mean....P
Posted by: Patti at July 18, 2008 10:05 PM
Sarah, yup-- that's the one. We were in LOVE with that church. Miss it like crazy.
And Patti- no prob!
Posted by: WG at July 18, 2008 10:18 PM
I REALLY like your thoughts--thanks for sharing!
And I especially like your "introspection, outrospected" expression! :-)
Posted by: karen at July 19, 2008 7:36 PM
