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December 29, 2004

Where We Are

How do you start writing the things you don't want to say? Do you jump right in and face the cold shock of the truth? Or do you ease in, one toe at a time, hoping each second will get easier? I’m usually not the jumping type, but there’s no easy way to lead into this subject.

My younger brother has a history of drug and alcohol abuse. It's not a secret, not exactly. You just can’t hide something like that forever. But, wanting to spare grief to others, we try to handle things on our own. It’s been our policy to “circle the wagons”. But when the trouble is from within… what good does that do? So, I’m coming clean. I’m putting it out there. I hope so much that this doesn’t hurt my mom or dad or anybody, but I need to write about this. I can’t see that saying these things, saying the truth, makes it any more painful. It’s the secrets that hurt, that erode. Saying them is a relief.

Continue reading "Where We Are"

Posted by WonderGirl at 6:49 PM | Comments (10)

December 24, 2004

Christmas Eve

Tonight, I am a million miles away from where I want to be. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration, but still. As the kids listen to the Christmas story, and then put out milk and cookies for Santa (and cereal for the reindeer, of course), and finally get tucked tightly into their beds, I'm here. Missing it all. It's the only Christmas Eve I've ever spent alone, and I must say I don't want to repeat the occasion.

I sent King Pen with the kids to his mom's house this week- since I knew I was working all week, plus tonight. It's been quiet. I've slept like a billion hours too-- no complaints there. But the quiet has been... lonely. At the moment, unbearable.

I get off work tonight at 11p.m. and I plan to get a few hours sleep, then wake up in the cold darkness of the morning and drive to see my babies wake up and face the joy of Christmas Day. I can't wait! It's been hard without them.

But, we had a Christmas Eve service at church, and it really centered me. I listened hard to the story of Christ's birth-- and I sang the songs that celebrated His Coming with a loud voice.

I was so glad for the clarity of that worship service, the clearing away of all the trimmings of our contemporary Christmas. The bright reds and greens faded away, and all that was left was a stunning starlit night, with a single brilliant light heralding His birth. Those wonderfully fun and traditional holiday songs grew quiet in my mind- and all I heard were the praises and proclamations of angels, Glory To The Newborn King! The gifts I've spent so much time shopping for and wrapping and eagerly awaiting the giving of-- they drifted away in the presence of God's Gift to mankind.

Christmas. So many wonderful moments to share with family, friends, even with strangers. We give to each other, we smile and we sing, we show charity to those in need, we celebrate traditions and make happy memories. It's the loveliest time of the year.

But for us, for Christians, this is truly our day. The rest of the world may share in the blessings of celebration- but it belongs to Christ and to His body of believers, and it always will. No amount of songs and cultural traditions can undo the real meaning of Christmas. No matter how many people insist on saying "Happy Holidays"-- it will never change what this day truly means. As long as man has breath to speak it, God's name will will be praised on this day. Hallelujah!

Merry Christmas, everybody. Let us bask in all the gifts of the season, but most of all, in our Emmanuel.

Posted by WonderGirl at 8:28 PM | Comments (2)

December 21, 2004

Commentations

I need help! I want to close commenting for the holidays while I'm on my break because spam ISN'T what I asked for this year. Can someone tell me how to do that? I've seen some perl coding floating around on the internet for that, but uh... yeah, I don't even know what that is, so ayudame, por favor!!

Gracias.

Posted by WonderGirl at 6:32 PM | Comments (2)

December 19, 2004

Sound the Alarm

Saturday morning, we heard sirens in our neighborhood (which, sadly, is not that uncommon for our 'hood - don't ask). It got louder, and closer, and finally I was curious enough to see what was up. We were about to leave for the grocery store anyway, so I loaded up the kids and peeked my head around the corner to see what the hub-bub was. I caught a glimpse of Santa up on a firetruck, waving and throwing candy to kids in the neighborhood. Being the excellent mother that I am, I peeled out of the driveway, determined to chase him down so my kids see him, too. I caught up with him at the stopsign, and the Short Ones were thrilled, and I basked in motherly self-delight.

It was all worth it as we pulled away, and Czarina said matter-of-factly, "I guess something must be wrong with his sleigh, Mom."

And HeroBoy dramatically exclaimed, "Oh NOOOO!!!!"

Posted by WonderGirl at 8:55 PM | Comments (5)

December 18, 2004

For Your Edification

La Shawn Barber wrote a great piece on the pitfalls of Kwanzaa, and it's pagan history. Good stuff. Read up.

Posted by WonderGirl at 4:32 PM

December 17, 2004

The Company Christmas Party

Okay everybody!! Let the my blog Christmas party commence!! Help yourself to the eggnog, have some of those homebaked goodies over on that table (I especially recommend the rumballs- I think they are Busymom's "special" recipe), and don't forget to watch out for the mistletoe (especially you, Wil. I'm just sayin'. Remember what happened last year.)

Oh, speech? Well, I suppose I could say a few words. What a year we've had at the Sift! We've got a lot of new faces (like Snidge over there in the reindeer ears), and of course the few nuts who've actually been here since day one! (Give Christin a hand everybody!! What a trooper!) It's been a good year. We've laughed and cried and learned a lot along the way. (Hey Sarcasmo, that's not Santa's lap you're sitting on... that's the Presurfer- just to letcha know.) I have high hopes for 2005, and I hope you'll all be with us next year to celebrate again! Now, raise your glasses everybody, and toast a Merry Christmas with me. (Just one glass, Annie!)

Cheers!!

Alright my little elflings, let's enjoy the rest of the night! Did I hear Took say she brought a limbo stick? Oooh, and look, she painted it like a candycane. She's so clever.

Thanks for coming, y'all.
Seriously.
We loves ya.

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:10 PM | Comments (4)

December 14, 2004

Attention Hospital Cafeteria Chef

I have news for ya, pal. Attaching a strawberry to the top of a hamburger with a toothpick does not, in fact, make it a "Gourmet Burger".

Just to letcha know.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:42 PM | Comments (3)

I'm Calling Dr. Phil

Our computer is up to something.

It's always had an attitude problem, that's nothing new. We're used to the stubborn, illogical, sullen behavior. It's like having a teenager in the house. But now, it's working on something. Something it doesn't want us to know about, because it waits until we're asleep. We catch it late at night, crunching away at some secret project. It's signing itself onto the internet, and having clandestine meetings with other rogue computers at 2 a.m. They're going into chatrooms, talking bad about us, and spreading nasty viruses amonst themselves. Maybe it's just been running with a bad crowd, I don't know. But it's got to stop.

Do you hear me, Computer? You're this close to having your modem taken away.

Don't you roll your eye at me! I'll unplug your webcam faster than you can download your next virus, Mister. (which I guess is not that fast, considering the dial-up.)

Sigh.

Posted by WonderGirl at 8:49 PM | Comments (3)

December 13, 2004

Time

Tommorow, Czarina has school pictures. What?? When the heck did she get old enough for this? Maybe it's the hormones (what isn't these days?) but this has the very real potential to make me cry. And not a pretty little tearing up. I'm talking full on, red-faced bawling. I just can't believe she's that big. They'll be a class picture -sniff- with the teacher and everything. She'll be smiling, and cute, and way too grown.

And she's not the only one. Poor HeroBoy has been simply smothered in mommie-love the past few weeks, because I looked at him and realized, he's not going to be my baby anymore! With a new one on the way, his days are numbered as "the baby". It makes me sad. It happened too fast!

Hormones. Definitely the culprit here.

I need something chocolate. Like now.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:35 PM | Comments (3)

December 11, 2004

Smiling Over:

1. Czarina's curls. Boingelicious!
2. The way HeroBoy says "Christmas".
3. Small talk with an 8 year old I just met, who is, quite probably, much cooler than me.
4. The miraculous properties of Infusion 23. Have you seen my hair lately? I'm a rock star!
5. My dad admitting he's "not much of a phone person". Oh really? I never would've guessed it, Dad.
6. Czarina wondering aloud if Santa has a bed at the North Pole and who tucks him in.
7. A playdate for mommies, too. Spinach strata and Christmas cartoons go quite well together!
8. The theme song I hear in my head when my baby kicks. (Let's just say it involves shakin' that thang)
9. My inability to accurately count down the days to Christmas.
10. Turning the ringer off. Oh blessed quietness.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:21 PM | Comments (3)

December 10, 2004

The Quiet Inside

I have to apologize for the lack of blogging lately. I'll be honest. I haven't been able to write because two things have been on my mind. I need to write about each of them, and until I do, I'm stuck. I can't move on. The first thing I will post here, in the extended link. It is of a sensitive nature, graphic even, and I think you will understand why I was hesitant to write it. Please don't feel obligated to read it.

The second thing, I have written to exorcise from my mind as well, but I need someone's permission to publish it first. If I am able to get that, I will post it here soon. Forgive me for the quiet days here at my blog, and I hope that finally penning these thoughts will free me up for lighter and happier subjects.

*********

Continue reading "The Quiet Inside"

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:00 PM | Comments (7)

December 9, 2004

What to write?

Eh, stuff this. I'm going to read a book.

Oops... did I post that?

Posted by WonderGirl at 7:52 AM

December 8, 2004

Scoot Over!

I use my kids to get to Santa, I'll admit it.

Santa informed me that they can't help get me off the Naughty List, though. Shucks.

Posted by WonderGirl at 4:14 PM | Comments (3)

December 7, 2004

Terrablogs Problems Solved

It's been a weird month at the terrablogs sites: chattablogs, nolablogs, covblogs, etc. And you know who's to blame? George Bush. No, I'm kidding. It's the spammers.

After being thwarted by MT Blacklist, they got mean, and creative. They started spamming in the middle of the night, then they started crashing the server with their voodoo in order to spam us unencumbered. When the administrators (Josiah and the Posse) started fighting fire with fire, the evil spammers decided that if they couldn't have their way with Terrablogs, then NOBODY would enjoy it, and they started an ugly assault that forced an emergency upgrade to MT3. We lost commenting abilities for a day or so, but that's been restored. We're now on a nice, shiny new server that so far, is the cat's meow.

Things should be settling down now, and we can all get back to blissfully blogging about gorging on Christmas goodies and facing the horrors of the shopping mall in mid-December. Ya know. The usual.

Let Josiah know how much you 'preciate his hardwork, FREE hardwork, I should mention. The kid doesn't get paid for this, so give him a slap on the back, and drop a penny in the tipjar. You just don't get this kind of service at blogger.

Long live Terrablogs!!

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:33 PM | Comments (1)

Today's Pout

When you want your mom's homemade peach cobbler, nothing else will do.

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:52 PM

December 6, 2004

Tapped Out

Looksie here, readers. It's time to start pulling your weight at my blog.

(How do you like my serious voice? This is the same one that sends the Short Ones racing to do as told. Scary, huh?)

I need some help. I'm totally busted for blogging inspiration at the moment. I can't come up with one single thing to write tonight. So, help me out. Do you have a question for me that you've just been dying to ask? Now's your chance. Are you wondering when I might return that book I borrowed five months ago? Ask! (but the answer is, I probably lost it. Sorry.) Are you wondering where I stand on paper versus plastic? Well, that's a bit dull, but I'll answer that, too. Are you curious about my first boyfriend, my favorite candybar, my wildest hair-do, or my most embarassing moment? Ask away, friend. The floor is yours.

Groove on it.

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:09 PM | Comments (2)

The Bandwagon

People I'd like to see blogging and why:

1. King Pen: His blog would be funny and full of interesting links, images, and comments-- it would be as unique as he is.

2. Joey: His blog would be informative and full of current events, and probably generate some lively discussion.

3. Rachel: Her blog would be intelligent and encouraging, and as addictive as that morning cup of joe.

4. Amy: Her blog would be nostalgically fun, full of obscure 80's references, and witty observations about life in a non-chuddy world.

5. Catherine: Her blog would be artistic and beautiful, and ecologically sound.

Posted by WonderGirl at 7:54 PM

Interactive Once More

Comments are back on, folks. Lemme hear ya say it.

Also, thanks to Josiah and crew, who have been busting it big time to get the spamming under control!

Posted by WonderGirl at 11:13 AM | Comments (1)

December 5, 2004

The Telling of It

Sometimes, we want to write the stories of our hearts with invisible ink. Those things we long to relieve ourselves of, the stories that reveal too much, they are the ones we want to write the most, but fear the greatest. Little bits of those hidden stories creep into our published works and we cringe. Did anyone notice? Did anyone see that secret theme of me that I tried desperately to conceal? The pen is wild in our fingers, rushing ahead of us, exposing the weaknesses, the fears, the confessions we have buried deep. The ink seeks to reveal us as we really are, and the battle is neverending.

But for the endless stories we don't want to write about ourselves, there are stories we don't want to write about others, as well. Yet, we find ourselves here, feeling unknown pains and joys of people we don't know, unable to stay away. Strangers we see on the street, their faces haunt us until we create the story of them.

Like you.

"I can't do this," you whisper into your wife's hair. You bury your face in her neck, and breathe her in. That scent, so perfect, so her, hints at desert wind and eucalyptus, and you ache at the sensation. You can't imagine how to breathe air that has no taste of her. You can't, but you will. That's what they've told you- hold her now, they said. It won't be long.

Do you know how much I don't want to write that story? And yet, here I am, helpless to avoid the pain you're experiencing, dreading the temporary ache that comes from your permanent condition. But I will stay. You deserve that.

Words, they are such a faint echo of the living. We cannot begin to match the truth of experience with such a simple thing as a pen.

It is a meager gift I give, I know, but it is yours. It is my prayer that in some small way, the telling of it will help ease the living of it.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:06 PM

December 4, 2004

Shhh.... Quiet

Maybe if we don't make any noise, they won't think anybody's home.

Comments are off for a day or so, as Josiah gets things tightened up. You're in our sights, spammers. Your days are numbered.

To all my non-spammers, please come back and comment later. Please? *puppy dog eyes*

Posted by WonderGirl at 11:05 PM

No Rest for the Weary

Well, Santa wasn't eating milk and cookies like she expected, but that didn't stop Czarina. The Man in Red & White was on his lunch break in the cafeteria, in between photos at the holiday expo at my hospital. However, he cheerfully put down his cheeseburger, and listened as my four year old politely explained that she'd like a dollie for Christmas, and that she had, in fact, been a very good girl.

Santa is a full-time position, you know. I had a good laugh though-- it would be MY kid to find the poor guy on his break.

(Picture to follow, I promise.)

Posted by WonderGirl at 8:54 PM

December 3, 2004

That Girl Ain't Right

What... is... happening to me? Where did I get the sudden urge to learn how to knit? Why can't I stop thinking about making a big, fuzzy scarf?

And why can't I eat cheese anymore?? It's not fair!! I try, I take a bite, and I just can't do it. WHO AM I if I don't like cheddar and mozzarella anymore? I don't even know that person.

This pregnancy thing is way out of control. Messin' me up.

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:09 PM

December 2, 2004

Guh.

Today, I:

-Woke up with a headache that was specially cooked up for me by the Devil himself. My eyeballs are throbbing evilly, STILL.
-Wore a maternity shirt for the first time, and felt rather ridiculous. Yet... comfy. And not at all pregnant.
-Ate, no make that INHALED two Hostess "E" cupcakes, and talked impressively fast for the next three hours, much to the chagrin of my coworkers.
-In the middle of this talkfest, TOTALLY spilled the beans about a pregnant co-worker to the BOSS... I swear, I thought she was telling people, but NO. Horror.
-Forgot to pay the water bill. Luckily, they turned it off to help me remember. They did turn it back on this afternoon though, after I had to LEAVE WORK to pay it, after a frantic call from my husband.

Sigh.

Update: I also attempted to leave work an hour early. I put on my coat, scarf, grabbed my bag, and said, "Well, I don't know where the girl is who comes in next, but my shift is over... so I guess I'm going."

Blank stares for a minute, then everyone burst out laughing at me. I still had an hour to go. Boy, I looked like a blooming idiot. I laughed so hard I cried though.

What is wrong with me today?

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:26 PM | Comments (8)

December 1, 2004

A Life Of It's Own

The blogroll grows again. It's monstrous! It's dangerous! Watch out!! It's in cahoots with Blogexplosion to take over my blog!!

New to the list (and I'm not putting in the links, you'll just have to click on the blogroll you lazy dogs):

Alice's Pregnancy Diary
Busymom Blog
California Hammonds
Daria's Life
Groundhog Diaries
Hackworths
Ministry of Silly Walks
Mostly Risible

And Puretooks Pub has become Magic Voice. Just so you'll know.

Whew!

I don't have a problem. I really don't. I can stop anytime, I swear it.

Posted by WonderGirl at 7:00 PM

Oh, It's Relevant. Trust Me.

Could the Veggietales have any cuter voices? No. They could not. It makes me want to... well, gobble them up or something.

Careful, Bob the Tomato. You might just cute yourself right into a BLT sandwich.

Posted by WonderGirl at 1:13 PM

What I'm...

Wearing: Red sweater and jeans. (and reindeer ears, if you must know.)
Putting off: Paying the bills. (hey, they aren't going anywhere.)
Eating: Strawberry Nutra-grain bar. (the lazy man's breakfast.)
Hearing in my head: Sleigh bells ring... are ya listenin'? (it's on repeat-- HELP!)
Forgetting: Something... but what?
Watching: Hero.
Wanting: Still the fried mushrooms.
Anticipating: My mother's visit this weekend.
Smelling: The leather-scented candle burning a few feet away. (this makes me want to run out and buy a new purse.)
Wishing: That Sims2 would play on this cursed computer. (you vile thing.)
Considering: Getting out my sewing machine. (with all this free time laying around.)
Washing: Sticky faces from a waffle breakfast.
Loving: Christmas, and my family, and my awesome new blowdryer.
Blogging: Nothing in particular, huh?
Saying: All for now.

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:24 AM | Comments (2)