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September 30, 2008

Fini?

Sorry I haven't been blogging lately. It's just... I got nothing! I mean, there are things to blog about, tons of them. But I don't seem to be interested in writing lately. I am busy, but that's nothing new, and it's not really the problem, either. I just sit at the computer, staring at the white screen and the cursor blinking... and I think, "eh."

I get that way sometimes, and I wonder if it means I'm done blogging. But then I always seem to swing back into it. It's just that this time, it's been this way for several months. Longer than it's ever gone before. I am wondering if that means I am truly cycling out of it--- which makes me really sad. I don't want to quit, honestly I don't. But my heart's not in it these days. I know you can see it too-- my posts have been pretty lackluster lately. And infrequent. I remember when I used to write every single day, sometimes twice in a day! Oh, the puppy love of blogging! I'm through the honeymoon... and now I'm left wondering if I'm gonna make it through the long haul. Five years is a long time-- my blog is no spring chicken. Is it time for retirement? What's the life cycle of a blog?

I'll have to give this some thought. Any other long-time bloggers out there know what I'm saying? What did you do when you get to this point?

Well, I'm off. In-laws are coming for a visit, school is waiting, and the house needs to be reassembled!

Don't worry, we'll chat this topic over some more. I'm not closing the doors here yet... just saying, I'm questioning if it's run it's course. Wah.

Okay, that's enough of that. Be back later.

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:49 AM | Comments (4)

September 25, 2008

Dora's on Her Own

I'm busy typing away that last post, with Dora the Explorer on the tube beside me.

"Put the pumpkin in the wheelbarrow," she says emphatically from the screen.

"Why don't you do it YOURSELF?" yells HeroBoy in response.

"HeroBoy!" I say, swallowing back a shocked giggle, "That's not very nice!"

"Well, she never says PLEASE!"

He's got a point. Would it kill the girl to say por favor once in a while?

(Look at her, she's so busted.)

Posted by WonderGirl at 8:44 AM | Comments (3)

Financing Disaster

This is scary stuff. I watched the Presidential Address last night with my usual amount of skepticism anytime he speaks-- but this was different. With my skepticism was also horror--- that our government has reached so far. It is unrestrained, on the loose... wreaking havoc in America like a beast feeding on the people. And, even worse, telling us it's good for us. That's the sickest part of it it all!

It's hard not to lose hope.

Read Ron Paul's thoughts over at Lewrockwell.com. I can't help but think about how different R.P.'s response to this crisis would be than the current administration's.

Posted by WonderGirl at 8:34 AM | Comments (5)

September 23, 2008

Hollows

Last night, I lay in bed, completely awash in anxiety and guilt and fear. It stalked me relentlessly, until I finally gave way, until my proud neck finally bent-- and I laid it all out before God in prayer.

Prayer is a bit too tidy a word for the blubbering, incoherent, desperate break-down of the early morning hours. It's amazing how wrenched your soul can be, when on the outside, only a few tears escape. How complete a camouflage these exterior shells can accomplish! But God knows the inner turmoil, He sees the anguish, the need, and He has an answer.

I had a very clear, absolute response from Him last night.

I have mentioned before, that I have guilt issues. I feel guilty over everything, and I'm so utterly sick of it. It's like carrying around a million pounds of chain, shackling and pulling on me, weighing me down, imprisoning me. It is particularly heavy in terms of motherhood-- I am plagued by guilt over my impatience and flaws as a mother. I am so afraid that I am doing it all wrong, that I am ruining them. At the end of the day, I lay in bed, and wonder how much I've messed them up. I think of all I didn't do that I needed to, or what I DID do, that I shouldn't have. I fall asleep, and often the last thought in my mind, is that here's another day I failed.

That's really awful, isn't it? I know it shouldn't be that way. But I can't seem to stop it. Even when I do well, even if we have a good day, I have a hard time not seeing some way in which I've let them down.

Well, I hate it. I'm sick to death of it. And last night, I just couldn't even put it into words, but I just dragged it out in front of God, and begged Him to take it from me. To burn away all the false guilt, the inaccurate perspectives and PRIDE (because isn't perfectionism, in some way, denial and arrogance on our parts?)-- and leave behind only the good and edifying urgings of the Holy Spirit. To take away the thoughts that discourage- leaving me with the ones that uplift and motivate...

And as the guilt came into clearer focus, what was real and what is not... I am left with still, a broken state. With false guilt melting away, then I can see what is truly, honestly in need of change. I see it, and with clarity comes grief. I cried out at my ineptitude, at my inadequacies. I asked Him, aren't You disappointed? Don't You regret entrusting me with these things? You're working with faulty material- how can you make anything GOOD of this?? I am defective.

And it is here, where my one-sided conversation became Divinely two-sided.

But I am sufficient, He responded.

He whispered it over and over-- I am God, and I am sufficient. To every self-deprecating remark, to every utterance of my failures and shortcomings, He said simply, I am sufficient. It doesn't matter what is wrong with you... because everything is right with Me.

I laid there, with my swiss-cheese soul, with the gaping holes and voids, the bottomless pits of my imperfections... and His words rushed in to fill every one of them. His sufficiency made me whole.

He poured out over me, and into me, finding all the hidden vacuums in my life, and said I AM HERE.

Oh.

How small my mortal words.

I slept, finally. I slept as a child, under the watchful eye of Someone Bigger, Someone Stronger, Someone who will never leave me or forsake me.

So today, when I see the deficiencies in my life, when I gaze into the countless hollows of my humanity-- I will see HIM, working, stabilizing, upholding... I will see His strength in my weakness.

And I will know I am not alone.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:14 AM | Comments (6)

September 21, 2008

One Word To Rule Them All

(King Pen says nobody will get my LoTR pun. I disagree. He can't appreciate the broad NERD appeal of this blog the way you and I can. Heh. Anyway, on with the post.)

There is a collection of videos on Godtube about two types of Christians. The series is a parody of the Mac and PC commercials. The "PC" character is the traditional, conservative Christian. The "Mac" character is the new contemporary "Christ-Follower".

It is unflattering, of course, to the traditional Christian. Stuffy, formal, awkward-- dressed in a suit, totally uncool and uptight, basically clueless, and amazingly narrow-minded. Every bad stereotype rolled into one. The contemporary Christ Follower is much more enlightened in his casual wear, his mellow attitude, and bemusement at his counterpart. The role of the "Christ Follower" is to throw off the title "Christian" and all it's unpleasant connotations. As a matter of fact, the series is called "Christian No More", if I am reading that correctly.

I can understand the objective- to present to the world a brand of Christianity minus the hypocrisy and lack of grace and forgiveness and charity. Minus the SIN. To show the world JESUS, without all our own failings and ignorance getting in the way. But it doesn't work like that. It can't-- because we're fallen and imperfect. We can't escape our faults by changing our name from "Christian" to "Christ- Follower". T-shirts and flipflops in church won't elevate us above pride and hypocrisy. Hanging out in a sanctuary filled with couches instead of pews (yes, that's a real church in Dallas, I believe) doesn't make our worship more genuine and acceptable to God. Abandoning archiac "high-church" music and liturgy for the new, contemporary choruses and praise bands doesn't make it BETTER. It makes it different, which is a very diplomatic choice of words for me. We have watered down what could be a veritable FEAST of worship on Sundays in many contemporary services. I will not open that pandora's box on this blog, but I will say that I think much of the current worship lineup in a contemporary church is way off-base. Maybe I'll go into that later, if I'm feeling brave.

Anyway, my point is, it doesn't matter how much we redefine ourselves, it doesn't change the fact that what's wrong with Christianity isn't fixable by a name change. The church is full of sinners. It is, in fact, the very reason we gather-- our need for salvation, for forgiveness, for redemption. It is our sin that drives us to those doors, begging for entrance. Is it any wonder that you find the full spectrum of sin within it's walls?

To make Christianity more appealing to the world by saying you won't find those things with the NEW Christian, the Christ Follower... well, it's just a lie. It's false advertisement. It's nothing new, of course. . It's just that so many people are buying into the new idea of holy, so much so that anything else seems laughable, and that is a great tragedy. "Christ Followers" are separating themselves from something none of us can escape... sin.

We've been in a dozen churches in the last nine months looking for a place to move our membership. We've been to six different denominations. We've experienced the full range of services and theologies and fellowships... and I can tell you this, I've ready for a church home. It won't be perfect, it won't be filled to the brim with enlightened, self-actualized Christ Followers in jeans who all listen to U2 and have 5 o'clock shadows. It will be a body of believers united by their love for God, sharing in their desperate need for Him, seeking ways to glorify Him in their weaknesses. Christians.

And to my thinking, that's not such a bad thing to be a part of. I'll let God handle the PR.

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:30 PM | Comments (8)

September 18, 2008

Birth of a Blog Post

3 a.m. I'm sleeping peacefully, dreaming of no less than the gorgeous Destin beach. It's magnificent, y'all. I'm back on vacation again-- how much better can a dream get? When suddenly, I am snatched out of my slumber by the sounds of one of my children being eaten by a tiger. I know this, because of the horrific screeches and howling coming from the Duke's bedroom. So I abandon Dreamland Destin, and race to my poor helpless child's side in a surge of maternal fierceness. Mom to the rescue- back ye beastly fiend who seeks to devour my child!! I fly into his room, guns blazing.

Well, it turns out, he's just gotta potty.

Really? You let loose those ungodly screams because your bladder was a little bit full? I was pretty sure you were being eaten alive. 'Cause, ya know, that was the vibe you were giving off. Are you SURE there wasn't a man-eating, yellow-eyed predator eating you whole? No?

I left Destin for this, you know.

Gar.

So I get back in bed, thinking "oh, the wonderous, amazing, totally insane brain of a three year old. I gotta blog about that."

Then, because I accidentally noticed that it was 3 a.m. on the clock, I immediately get insomnia. I proceeded, for the next HOUR, to compose a lengthy essay on all the ways a three year old is absolutely nuts. I was wide awake- it was that weird hour that totally befuddled my body. Are we up? Am I done?, it asks. My composition was interrupted by arguements with my body, desperate pleas for sleep, and finally, a nagging, relentless sense that now I needed to get up for the bathroom.

I, of course, did not scream about it. 'Cause I'm considerate that way.

Anyway, after an hour or so of tossing and turning, I finally fall asleep again.

Do I dream of Destin again? Oh no. This time, I am a waitress, working double shifts at some rundown bar, and my feet hurt.

-sigh-

He is SO hearing about this when he has kids of his own.

PS... Oh, and that hour long post I composed in my head? Well, this is not it. I, of course, promptly forgot it the second I closed my eyes. Grr.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:03 AM | Comments (5)

September 17, 2008

What Helps

1. Declare an Emergency Cleaning Day, and cease all other activities.
2. Turn up the music.
3. Open the windows.
4. Start with the Laundry room.
5. Throw away some old, sad panties. Ha.

Seriously, after getting some emotional support from King Pen (who is absolutely the best fella for the job)-- I am getting on top of my game here. I decided we needed a work day-- that when my environment is chaotic, I simply cannot function. Maybe that's a weakness, maybe it's a bit anal or type A, but I really suffer in clutter. So, no school today, which I dislike, but it's for the best. Due to one thing or another (like a 4 hour trip to the pediatrician Monday and birthday happenings yesterday), I haven't been able to get settled from vacation. Suitcases, piles of laundry, dishes, candles still out from the hurricane, you name it. This place was on the verge of being condemned (except, it wasn't actually GROSS. Just horribly askew. My, how I love that word-- askew. Come on, say it with me.)

Anyway, just let you all know I am gonna survive Gulliver's Travels. I'm squashing Lilliputs left and right!

Oh, that's wrong.

Okie dokie- off to it! Will blog when this place is whipped into shape.

Posted by WonderGirl at 1:34 PM | Comments (1)

The Little Things United

Today, I am Gulliver, washed upon the shores of Lilliput. I have been tacked down by hundreds of tiny ropes, a million miniscule tasks, and I can't manage to overcome them. At least this morning.

Coming home with a dozen suitcases and random stuff means a lot of work. Throw in the effort of restoring the house to order (inside and out) after the hurricane-- plus getting back to school, and picking up my sewing business, not to mention the looming task of editing hundreds of pictures from our trip...

well, the list goes on. It seems silly to mention them all, because truly, they are all small, achievable tasks. But there are so many. It's daunting. I had hoped that a cup of coffee would perk me up for it all, but that was overly-optimistic. Even a cup o'joe has it's limitations.

Okay, enough of that, yeah? Nothing to do, but do it-- one rope at a time. Maybe if accomplish one task completely, I'll feel better.

When I get to editing the pictures, you'll be the first to know. I have lots of good ones to share-- and I'll recap our trip, too, when I post the pics. Don't give up on me, know that I'm here, working my way through. It's just slow going. But---

I'll be back. (And yes, I said that Terminator style. Because it's a pop-culture law.)

Missing yas.

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:41 AM | Comments (1)

September 16, 2008

The Nature and Candy Club

... of which she is a founding member.

Dear Little Bird,

Happy 8th birthday, silly girl.

I am in awe of you-- of how close you are to the sunshine- how sweet and wise your smile- how tender and true your heart. You are so beautiful in spirit, in form-- from your open, friendly nature, to those pink curls that tell us exactly how you're feeling--- we will never get over you. You are our sweetheart, and we are simply smitten with who you are. Your brothers adore you, your Daddy is devoted to you, and I am inspired by you. There aren't enough hugs and kisses and snuggles in the world that could show you how much we love you.

But we'll keep on tryin' anyway.

Happy birthday, delightful one.

Love
Mama

Posted by WonderGirl at 7:30 AM | Comments (5)

September 14, 2008

I Take a Piece Home

Posted by WonderGirl at 2:59 AM | Comments (4)

September 5, 2008

One Last Hurrah (cane?)

We're headed to Destin tomorrow-- me and the kids (the kids and I? Come on, grammar police, straighten me out- I know you can't resist), my mom, Aunt Charlotte, my cousin Laura, sister Ashley and her family, and my youngest sister Brittany. Ashley and her crew will be staying in their RV at a campsite near our condo. It will be, undoubtedly, absolutely fabulous. Unless, of course, Ike decides to pop in for a visit. The fabulous quotient drops dramatically if he comes along.

So we're (somewhat) packed up and ready for some serious lazing around on the beach. We've got games and books and sunblock-- can't think of much more that we need than that! Maybe some margarita mix? I'll have to add that to my list of last minute items to pick up. Actually, I am a little nervous about what exactly made it into the suitcase, since I was packing in the dark as we fled Gustav. Who knows? I may very well need to buy myself an entire wardrobe while we're there. That would be just plum awful-- all new clothes. Shame, that.

I'll be taking a few days off from the Sift to enjoy this last little bit of summer. I'll try to coax my camera into taking one last round of photos-- it's on it's last leg. (Note my cavalier attitude, oh transparent bravado! I don't want you to see me cry. -sniff- She was a good camera, y'all. She was an expensive camera, and it hurts, people. It hurts.)

Anywhoo, hope you all have a good weekend, followed by a good week-- and I will see you later. You may not recognize me, with my gorgeous beach tan!

Well, we all need to dream.

Happy days, everybody. I'll miss ya.

PS... Thank you to King Pen's parents for putting us up for the last few days. It's good to know the door's always open. (Or, the window can be shimmied. Heh.) Seriously, thank you. We loves ya.

Posted by WonderGirl at 3:30 PM | Comments (0)

September 4, 2008

Update

Hi all! Quick update- we rode out Gustav, which was, admittedly, fun. I enjoy storms. (Why do I feel guilty confessing that?) Anyway, we were fortunate with no damage to our house. There were trees and limbs all over the city and of course, no power. We stayed one night and then when it was clear enough, we drove up to Monroe to stay with family. We are just not equipped to go a long time without power, and with small kids, it would have been miserable! I can't fathom when the city will be put back together again-- maybe sometime next week? Anyway, we're here for the time being, until the kids and I leave on an all-ready planned trip to Destin with my mom and sisters. (We leave on Saturday for that!) Keeping our fingers crossed that Ike won't pester us for that one. Boy, I tell you, it was FUN packing for a week long beach trip in the DARK! There is no telling what is in my suitcases right now. Anyway.

In the meantime, King Pen has to report back to work, even though most of the employees don't have electricity. I guess you have to do what you have to do, eh? He'll basically be camping out at our house next week, and hopefully it will be repaired quickly.

Anyway, just wanted to let you all know we're fine. Thanks for all the calls and emails-- I appreciate your concern. I'll try to write again before we leave for the beach! Have a good weekend, and good luck with the weather.

Posted by WonderGirl at 12:01 PM | Comments (2)