May 29, 2008

Having A Baby

...is on my brain these days. (Oh, I do love misleading headlines!)

Anyway, it's crazy, I know. There are days when things flow so smoothly, days when hardly anybody cries, days when I feel like we're almost out of the trenches-- and I couldn't IMAGINE starting all over again with another child. As a matter of fact, many times I whisper a "thank you, Jesus" prayer that we've come so far. Because those are fantastic days- and they're happening more frequently lately. They're almost enough to squash that baby urge all together. But not quite. Because there's still a sliver of something in me that just can't believe I'll never be pregnant again, never breathe in that sweet newborn scent again, never have impossibly tiny fingers wrap around mine. And when it hits, it hits hard.

It's not that I feel as if our family isn't complete. I'm very happy with the dynamics of four kids- our quiver is certainly full. It's so full, in fact, that I wonder how we'd accommodate anything extra. But still... this feeling.

I suppose it would be there after the last baby, no matter how many children I have. Because it means, this is the end of this part of my life. A chapter is finished, a really BIG chapter, the best one so far. And now as I approach the end of it, I don't know how to turn that last page. So much of who and what I am, so much of my purpose- is wound up in bringing forth life. We can't help it, as women. We've been playing "mommie" since we could hold a baby doll. It's not just a mindset, it's a biological force that we've dealt with since adolescence. Moving beyond it, denying that function, is a wrenching decision.

I will be 33 this year, and in many ways, I'm ready to hand off the torch to the younger women, let them have the babies. Because it's tough, and I'm a little bit tired. But my fingers hesitate, and my heart is torn, and I wonder if I have stamina enough for just one more run.

If I don't, if I've given everything I have to give, then it means I must have a different kind of strength- the kind to say, Okay. I'm done.

I'm not so sure which of those is harder.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:01 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

May 19, 2008

The Duke

No matter how I tried to stop it, the Duke broke my heart by turning three on May 13th. Ah, fleet-footed time! Slow down!! He didn't know it was his birthday, because we decided to celebrate it over Memorial Day weekend, when we will be hanging out with extended family. At three, it's best to keep things simple. I'm yearning to write his birthday post, but I'm going to hold off until I have birthday pictures to go along with it.

Let's just say, I love him to bits.

Posted by WonderGirl at 11:15 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

May 16, 2008

From Her Sketchbook

Czarina is her father's daughter. When something interests her, she is quick to grab her pen and pad and try to capture it with lines. Here are a few pages from the mind of my seven year old.

Continue reading "From Her Sketchbook"

Posted by WonderGirl at 12:07 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

May 5, 2008

Might Need Sharpening

Driving home from my inlaws, we take winding country roads for the first leg of the trip. We put down the windows, and revel in the fresh air and the sunshine as we bump along. This time of the year, Louisiana is a wild, unruly tropic. The jungle of trees and grass and bushes and briars is interrupted only by the long, manicured fields of corn and cotton. There is so much life here, lush and nearly impassable at times. It always makes me think of the effort it must have taken to civilize and cultivate this land into a livable place. Quite a formidable task!

Anyway, Louisiana becomes transformed at this time of the year into a world of green. It is a spectacle, a wonderment- that was best summed up yesterday by Czarina as we drove down a shady, cannopied road.

"Mom, do you think God's favorite color is green?" She paused, thinking deeply before answering her own question. "I think it must be, because He used it everywhere!"

She's got a point.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:50 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

May 2, 2008

Hey, you, psstt!

No, don't look over here! Just listen.

*lowering voice We both know I should be doing something else right now. But we're not gonna mention that, yeah? You don't tell anybody I'm blogging when I shouldn't, and I won't rat you out for mindlessly surfing the internet when you've got laundry to fold and papers to file.

Mhm. Conspiracy of the procrastinators.

Okay, so just look straight ahead like you don't even notice I'm here.

So, what's everybody's weekend looking like? (Oh, you didn't think I actually had anything important to talk about, did you?) We're headed up to the inlaws for a little relaxation in the country. (Since we're such big city folk and all.) We are enjoying the ability to make the quick weekend trips to see family since we've moved closer. I am happy to see relationships deepening between the cousins, glad to spend time with everybody that isn't squeezed into a chaotic holiday. And maybe, just maybe, we can actually renew some old friendships around this part! I may gripe about central Louisiana from time to time, but the proximity to family and friends makes it all worthwhile. (Unless I get West Nile virus. Then I reserve the right to throw a very public, very embarrassing hissy fit.)

Let's see... what else?

I heard this story through my mother-in-law, who was here for a day visit the other day. She watched the kids for me while I took Czarina to the dentist, and was chatting with my next door neighbor, ML. ML loves my children, and often talks with them throughout the day as they play outside. Anyway, ML told my mother-in-law that she adores my kids. She said she got tickled the other day because the kids were hovering over a pile of roly-polies, chatting and laughing. When ML asked them why they thought there were so many roly-polies, HeroBoy responded enthusiastically, "We don't know, Mrs. ML, but we think they're having a festival!!"

Cute. Cute. Cute.

And I wanna go. Don't you know the Roly Poly Festival has to be the most happening event in bug world? Can you envision it? Can you see the roly-polies riding the grass blade ferris wheel? Eating seeds-on-a-stick?

I'm thinking about this too much.

I suppose I can't justify a rambling post about rolie-polies any longer when there are suitcases to pack. -sigh-

Okay, off with ye. Back to work, friendsters. Roll it on outta here. And do not, repeat, DO NOT, tell anybody I have been blogging today.

Posted by WonderGirl at 3:52 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

May 1, 2008

Wearing My Memories

Sweet time, these days with you- they are memories I will hold clearly forever. They are the places I will revisit when my bones are old, when I sit on the porch and wait for you.

Will you have slivers of these memories hidden in your heart? Will you remember breezy rides on the grocery cart in the parking lot? Will you feel the playdough in your hands, smell it, and remember the funny creatures we made? Will bluegrass music make you think of me, and how we danced in the living room? When you eat homemade bread, will you see us around the table as a family, sharing meals and stories of our day?

You are woven into me... your pattern and rich hues delicately stitched into the tapestry of my life. It is a blanket to wrap around myself in old age, the warmth of these memories will be a comfort, dulling the chill of coming goodbyes.

If I forget to tell you, if I miss a day of reminding you how special you are, and when I hurt you or disappoint you (because I will, little one, and I'm sorry already)... please see this image of me- a mother joyfully wrapped up in the fabric of four little lives. And if you struggle to remember these fleeting moments, if you forget the taste of the bread and the sounds of our music... then maybe this guy will remind you. Maybe he will spark your memories. And if he doesn't, then you will sit with me on the porch and I will tell you, because I am cloaked in each vivid moment. I will not forget.

I love you, all four.

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:53 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

April 11, 2008

From The Trenches

Oh. As in, help. That's about all I can muster.

Czarina started running a high fever night before last, and HeroBoy followed yesterday. I was up all night long with HeroBoy and ye old spit-up bucket. I am literally falling asleep standing today.

They are pitiful. I can't seem to get the fevers down. But thank goodness for cartoons and gatorade.

Send reinforcements.

Posted by WonderGirl at 11:05 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

April 7, 2008

Smooth Sailing Ahead

So, a break down was imminent. I could feel it brewing, like a hurricane, right behind my eyeballs. I've been feeling overwhelmed lately, like I'm starting out each day with a deficit. A deficit of patience, of time. My last thought going to sleep was my to do list, my first thing waking up was the same. All I could think of was all I need to do, am not doing, and the gobs of things just over the horizon waiting to be done.

Ever feel like that? That you're dropping balls all over the place, nobody's really getting all they need from you and you haven't got even a sliver left to give them? AND this is only the first leg of the race? Nothing tests your sanity quite like that.

Thank goodness for a sane husband, who could see the problem for what it really is. My boys have gotten woefully undisciplined. A combination of vacation time, grandparents, cousins around to play with, and just a little neglect on our part. Things have gotten chaotic. I have been constantly breaking up fusses, saying "no, no, NO!!!" and in general being harried and pestered and worn to a nub. This one part of the formula has been throwing off everything else in my life.

And I kept thinking, I've just got to deal. "Gotta deal" became a mantra I'd use to tell myself I could handle it. I thought the problem was my inability to cope, but that's not it at all! I AM up to the task! WHEW! I was really feeling in over my head. Luckily, my husband knows me better than I do, and he could see what was really happening.

I had accepted that this was just the way life was going to be, because I have young boys. But I shouldn't have asked that of myself, because my job as a mother is not to be a martyr to chaos. I'm not supposed to weather the bad behavior just because they are rambunctious boys. I can (and should) expect a certain peace in my house, aside from their natural energy. My husband reminded me that I know how to restore that peace, by consistent and diligent attention to the misbehavior. That I AM the captain of this boat, but I've been handing the wheel over to the mischievous deckhands.

So, it's Bootcamp week for the Trisler boys. I sat them down and explained it this morning, that we've gotten a little crazy around here, and we need to get back to normal. That if they break this rule, they can expect this reaction from me. So far, we're off to a good start. I haven't had to keelhaul anybody yet.

Being reminded that children don't just have to run wild was the kick I needed. I totally know that, but it got shuffled to the back of my mind somehow. I feel much better with a plan of action, with a loving reminder from King Pen, and a fresh, new week to sail into calmer waters.

Anyway, just an update on things 'round these parts.

Posted by WonderGirl at 2:35 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

April 4, 2008

From the Two Year Old

"Look, Mom! I have arms!"

I'm not sure if this was because A) he had a sudden, surprising realization, B) he thinks I'm the most unobservant human-being he's ever known, or C) my child is a certifiable knucklehead.

Posted by WonderGirl at 7:12 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 25, 2008

I Don't Ever Wanna Forget

that five year old HeroBoy calls the olden days, like the time of the dinosaurs and before there was t.v. - "The old back thens".

Posted by WonderGirl at 6:40 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 11, 2008

Poor Duke

Oh, it's be hard to be two years old. Too big to be babied, but too little to be big.

Posted by WonderGirl at 3:50 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

March 2, 2008

Love Means Saying I'm Sorry

HeroBoy broke a little bit of my heart yesterday.

He has a habit of spilling cups at the table. After the umpteenth ruined plate of food, my patience begins to wear thin. I try not to let that stuff get to me, but I have to admit, it happens occasionally.

So, he spills, and I didn't hide my irritation. "Well, go get a towel!"

He did, and began to wipe it up, but was making more of a mess.

"HeroBoy!" I sigh. "Nevermind, I'll do it. Just go outside and play."

There was no doubt, mama wasn't happy. I am not proud to say that. I should have been more patient. More gracious. More merciful. But I wasn't. I indulged my irritation, and I snapped at him.

About fifteen minutes later, I hear a knock at the door and I can just make out the top of HeroBoy's head. I opened the door, and there he is, holding out a big, beautiful azalea he picked from the yard, bottom lip trembling.

"I'm sorry, Mama. I'm sorry I made a mess," he said, with tears brimming up in his deep brown eyes.

Well, my heart just shattered. I was downright ashamed. Ashamed that I let my poor attitude over a minor inconvenience so profoundly grieve him. I forgot for that moment just how much I matter in his world. Forgot that I basically AM his world right now, and if things aren't peaceful between us, there is no solace for him anywhere else. That a moment that is so minor to me, can be everything to him. That me not being happy means he's not happy, either.

So I hugged him, a big, squeezy hug, made a big fuss over the flowers, and told him I was so sorry for getting mad. I told him how much I loved him, and that he is a good boy and I dried his tears while blinking back mine. Then we went to put the flowers in water, and left that hurt behind.

I can do that now. I can make it better, I can restore his heart to mine because he is young and he loves me and I'm his world just because I'm his mama. But it won't always be that way.

That's why it's so important now, for me to learn to parent with respect for my child. To really understand my position of authority in his life, that it must be gentled with the realization that this is a child of God. He is, in fact, my brother in Christ. It doesn't diminish my responsibility or my position in his life, but I've got to remember that my power doesn't come from me being bigger, or smarter. It doesn't come from me being more spiritually mature, from being able to keep my cup from spilling at the table, or even from being the one who grew and birthed him! It's a Divine appointment. I've been entrusted with one of His precious ones. That's huge. And it's hard.

It is these moments that remind me how vital the fruits of the Spirit are for mothers. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Gentleness. Self-control. Oh, I need those things desperately! Every day, every moment.

I want to display Christ to my child, the fruits of the Spirit, and less of my sinful nature. Oh, I know, I'll fail. I can't be perfect. I am going to sin against my children, because I am a sinful being. But when that happens, I need to repent, confess, and do better! Yes, even to a child! I think as parents we fall into a trap of thinking that we don't owe our kids an explanation for our behavior, or that an apology will undermine our authority. Or, maybe we think we are always in the right because we're older and wiser. OR that it doesn't matter anyway, such a little infraction against them. That being restored to each other in these small moments doesn't really matter. But it DOES matter.

For my child to see repentance and forgiveness worked out in their mother's life- not only to see it, but to be a participant in it-- what better teaching tool than that? Teach them to be repentant, by being repentant. Teach them to be honest, by being honest. Teach them the fruits of the spirit, by partaking of them together.

Anyway, just thought I'd share my thoughts from my weekend on this Sunday night.

Hope you all have a good week!

Posted by WonderGirl at 5:57 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack

February 21, 2008

I Heart Y.N.

Last night at dinner, Czarina was regaling us with the day's happenings, and she was especially tickled with one pretend game she and HeroBoy had played earlier in the afternoon.

"We pretended that we got on a bus," -giggle, giggle- "and we road it all the way to our own house in You Nork!"

"You Nork?" we ask, barely able to contain our laughter.

"Yeah! You know, You Nork City!"

Yup. I've been there. It's nice this time of year.

(P.S. Say it to yourself. It's kind of addictive. Much better than the original!)

Posted by WonderGirl at 11:28 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

February 15, 2008

Venting is Good

Tell me, how many dirty diapers can one baby produce in a two hour period? Seriously? Cause we're up to FOUR stinky packages for me so far. Enough with the poo already!!

(This is not counting one from my 2 year old also. His days are numbered, by the way. I am OVER the diaper changing thing... which I have been doing daily for the last 5 YEARS! 5 years of poo, people. That does something to you.)

Okay.

Thank you. Just needed to get that out of my system.

And apparently, so does he.

*groan

Posted by WonderGirl at 11:56 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

February 8, 2008

Important Lessons

On several occasions, Czarina has been heard grumbling after being told to do (or not to do) something. So I had a talk with her about it, and let her know that was unacceptable. That she should respond to those moments with a cheerful spirit even when it's not her favorite thing to do (or not do). That God doesn't want us to complain, etc. etc. I went on for some time about this, seizing the moment for some spiritual teaching, and so forth. I was quite pleased with the whole thing, actually.

Anyway... so later, when we hit that stressful time of the day, and I was fussing at HeroBoy for the very same thing, and perhaps a little less calmly and logically, because there was a lego lodged in the side of my head and fourteen glasses of spilt kool-aid on the floor- (How DID that happen?), I heard Czarina pop up with some advice for HeroBoy. (apologies for the run-on sentence, btw.)

Czarina: "I'll tell you one thing I learned today!"

My ears perk up, thinking to hear my words of wisdom from earlier passed down from child to child... and I warmed a bit at God's grace.

HeroBoy, using his cranky voice: "What?"

Here it comes-- oh, the spiritual growth in my children is such a blessing, I am thinking, such a balm to the mother's heart-- then

Czarina, with great conviction: "Do NOT mess with Momma!"

Well. That's not exactly the lesson I was trying to impart. Maybe I need to rework my delivery.

But hey, if it works, I'll take it for now.

As a matter of fact, I might have a t-shirt made up with that one.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:37 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

February 3, 2008

This and That

Urgh.

Man, I am so behind on stuff. I feel like a chicken with it's head cut off these days! I have so many little details of things swimming around in my head- or not, I guess, if I'm the chicken with no head.

See? I'm mixing metaphors. You know it's bad when that happens. This may be an indication of permanent drain bamage. (ha)

BohoBaby is coming along, slow and steady. I set up my light studio for taking pictures of each sling. That was pretty fun. I have never been all that interested in photography, but I can see the allure. As an aside, for those of you with photography as a hobby- do you find yourself with a mild urge to wear a beret as your working? Just wondering if that's normal at all.

Anyway.

It was fun. I have A LOT to learn about that, and really, only a limited amount of time, and cranial space, for extra stuff. So, in with photography, and out with.. um... physics. Haven't used it in ages anyway. Just taking up space. As a matter of fact, calculus can go, too.

-subject change-

We rented "Stardust" last night- I've been wanting to see it for ages. I finally recovered enough from my husband's "Lord of the Rings" taunting to risk renting another fantasy-themed movie. And, I will confide in you, dear reader, that even King Pen liked this movie. He may not speak to me after that revelation, but it's true. My man liked this movie. I know because he only made two snide, MST3K-like remarks. If you have ever watched a movie with King Pen, then you know, this is progress. As Dolly mentioned the other day on her blog, it had a "Princess Bride" flavor to it. (And it's common knowledge that you can't be a decent human being and not like PB. It's simply mandatory.) So, go and rent, and be prepared to wish you were Claire Daines again just a little bit. (She's so loverly.)

Grocery Game update-- got my first Sunday paper to clip coupons out of, and I realize, two things. Number one, this is yet another thing for me to obsess over. Yay. But, I could save gobs, so there ya have it. At least it's a productive obsession. And number two, I like to cut things. I really do. Is that weird? The thinner the paper, the better... and the fact that I have a preference is a bit worrisome. Anywho, I'll go shopping tomorrow, so I'll letcha know how it goes.

And lastly, here are a few pics I took, playing around with lighting and whatnot. I shamelessly stole the picture frame idea from Dolly (whom I seem to be stalking these days, apparently). I'm doing the whole family, and if Dolly doesn't like it, she can just... uh... send me an email. Cause I'm stealing it, and that's that. I ain't a'skerred of her. I could take her.

(Sorry, Dolly. This is a direct result of the limited neuro-processing thing I was talking about earlier.)

(By the way, Czarina BEGGED me to straighten her hair, so don't panic, Mom. The curls are still there. My little comedian dramatically wailed after I had finished, "Oh no!! My curls are gone! That's where I get all my ideas-- now I can't think of a single thing!" I don't know where she comes up with that stuff.)

Oh, and here's a picture of a sling I took in my "studio".

Fancy, huh?

Posted by WonderGirl at 7:00 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

December 20, 2007

Christmas is Here, Sing Noel!

(At the church service last night, Czarina and HeroBoy singing in the choir.)

Posted by WonderGirl at 12:06 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

November 30, 2007

In Case He Gets Lost

Czarina has posted a slew of these:

(And yes, that's how we spell "way" around here. The wha it should be spelled.)

Posted by WonderGirl at 3:55 PM | TrackBack

November 28, 2007

Quit Yelling!

Is it just my four year old that has suddenly lost all vocal modulation completely, or is this normal?

I swear, he is yelling everything these days.

Posted by WonderGirl at 1:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 26, 2007

Filing Away

For future reference: Yes, you CAN get blue playdough out of your baby's teeth with a toothbrush. But he will NOT like it.

Posted by WonderGirl at 11:48 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 14, 2007

Giddyap

Guess who's walking, y'all?

He turned 8 months on November 3rd. I do believe I'm in for quite a ride with this little cowboy.

Posted by WonderGirl at 11:12 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

October 31, 2007

Pretending

"Hey Mom! Guess what we're playing?"

"What's that, Czarina?"

"Mary, Jesus, and Ralph."

Hm.

I'm not really sure where a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fits into the story of the birth of our Lord, but I just gotta see this one play out.

Posted by WonderGirl at 11:47 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

October 19, 2007

Easily Distracted

"Time to get dressed, HeroBoy."

"Yes ma'am," he answers, wandering off.

A few minutes later, he yells from the back room, "I can't find any underwear!"

"Look harder!" I yell back, reading directly from the Mom Script. I go back to cleaning the kitchen, waiting for the next phase. I fully expect to have to go find the underwear, which is undoubtedly, right in front of his eyeballs the whole time. But I have to make him look at least one nanosecond by himself. However, the second call doesn't come, and I continue washing sippy cups, assuming his behind is well covered.

Half an hour later, HeroBoy saunters in, naked as the day he was born and TOTALLY oblivious. He holds out a toy.

"Can you put the head back on my Ninja Turtle, Mom?"

-sigh- Boys.

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:42 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

July 29, 2007

Is There A Baby Union?

Chipmunk is on a Nap Strike. I don't know if it's an organized event or what, but for about five days in a row now, he absolutely REFUSES to take a nap. Yesterday, I even found a sign beside his bed that said, HECK NO, I WON'T GO (to sleep.)

He's five months old, by the way. I don't know how he made the sign, let along spelled it correctly and WITH GLITTER. But that's beside the point.

He needs his naps. And maybe even more, Mommie needs his naps. No matter what I do, he will lay in his bed and cry for HOURS if I let him. Nothing is working! NOTH-ING.

He MIGHT fall asleep in my arms accidentally, but the second I move him, he's wide awake.

He's my fourth one, ya know-- I feel like this is stuff I should have down pat. But he's giving me a run for my money. This child has a will of iron, and apparently needs less sleep than a grown man.

Ideas?

I don't know if I can find another baby willing to cross the picket line. The last one got bopped upside the head with a flying bottle and hasn't been back since.

Posted by WonderGirl at 6:22 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

July 18, 2007

Peepers

HeroBoy interrupted us at dinner tonight with a sudden, and shocking, revelation, "Look Dad! My eyes close ALL THE WAY!!" He followed up with an enthusiastic demonstration.

You could tell it was the first time he'd figured it out, too.

Maybe he knocked more than his tooth loose yesterday...

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:06 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

July 3, 2007

Billy Boy

Thanks to King Pen for passing along this "vintage" cartoon. It's one of my favorites. If I wasn't destined to marry King Pen (and I was born about forty years earlier), I would be Mrs. Tex Avery right this minute. The man was a comic genius. And that's hot.

Anyway. The little goat reminds us of the Duke, who is cute and mischievous, and occasionally has curls that look like horns.

Posted by WonderGirl at 12:31 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

A Sight in Seersucker

This was a Sunday ago, before church. Chipmunk was too cute in his seersucker pants, and we had to snap a picture...

I don't know where you stand on the issue, but I am a staunch proponent of dressing boys like boys. I have plenty of friends who believe that babies should be dressed prettily no matter what their gender, and hey, it's their kid. They've earned the right to dress 'em up however they want. But for me, I like my boys in miniature man clothes. I am highly amused to see a little fella all dudded up like Daddy.

Seersucker is sweet, though, and as long as it's not in the form of a bubble suit, I can handle it.

PS. Ignore the slightly diabolical smile on my face in that picture. Don't know where that came from, especially since we're on our way to church.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:09 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

June 30, 2007

Legacy

One of my favorite days happened today, though you wouldn't know to look at it. It started yesterday, when Czarina noticed me reading an old diary.

"What's that, Momma?"

"This is my journal, Honey. It's where I write things I want to remember."

"Like what?"

"Like how I feel, or what I did today, or special things that happen." I paused, wondering if this would be the moment I've waited for.

"Do you think I could do that?"

I smiled. Finally. "I think that sounds like a wonderful idea."

So today, in between running errands, going to the pool, doing our customary Saturday business- we bought her first journal. She examined the selection with care, eventually deciding on a small blue Beatrix Potter diary. We made an occasion out of it, celebrating with a chocolate milkshake.

This is a big day for me. King Pen has been drawing with Czarina ever since she could hold a crayon. I've always been glad for that, but a part of me longed to share the things I love, too. I hope she will find the pleasure and solace in writing that I have during my lifetime. If she doesn't, well that's alright. She's not me, nor would I want her to be. She will find her own way, I know this. But, I am happy for today, happy to share the excitement of a blank book, even if it is just this once.

On the ride home, she was quiet in the backseat. I asked her if she was okay, and she said, "I'm fine. I was just thinking of what to write in my journal."

So, what did you decide, I asked.

"I'm going to write: Today is a good day. Today I had a milkshake with my mom."

I think that's an excellent beginning.

***

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:02 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

June 12, 2007

Heavy Matters

HeroBoy today, flexing his impressive muscles, began bragging about his incredible strength.

"I can pick up the chair, and the house, and the sun, and the whole world!!

I can even pick up YOU, Momma!"

Gee thanks, kid. For a minute there, I thought I might weigh slightly less than an entire planet. Silly Mummy.

*Note to self... lay off the twinkies.

Posted by WonderGirl at 11:34 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

May 14, 2007

Two

Happy Birthday, Mr. Man. Mama loves you.

Posted by WonderGirl at 4:08 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

May 11, 2007

A Mother's Day

Time stands still for no man... or woman.

Every day, I see the signs, the long, little girl limbs of my daughter, the squaring shoulders of my sons. Time transforms them into the future right before my eyes. Some days it is sweet, and some days it stings. I miss who they were the day before, but I am proud of them today. The years begin to pile up around me, birthdays and Christmases holding more memories than will fit in my photo album. My life is full to bursting with these four people, the littlest details surrounding me like piles of golden coins. The way her hair curls, the way he runs, the freckles, the scars, the giggles, and the tears. They are my treasure, my life's accumulation.

It scares me that one day, I can't scoop them up in my lap. I can't hold that little hand to cross the street. I won't be able to lean down to kiss them goodnight and tuck them in, because they'll go to bed later than I do, and the dark doesn't scare them anymore. And one day, they'll be in another bed, in another house, in another life.

It's the natural course of things, I want those things for them. But as much as I prepare them for those days and watch proudly as they graduate from stage to stage, I mourn. Each step that brings them closer to what they will be, seems to take them farther from me.

Yes, yes I know... it is right and good, this growing up they are doing. But let me have today, let me have the tears, let me have the sadness. Because my best friends are changing, and in my heart I know that the suns that have risen around me will one day set. It is the way of things.

But not today. Today, they cast morning light, and evening is far away. Today I am the world to them, and they to me.

Today, every day is a Mother's Day.

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:57 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

May 1, 2007

Je t'aime

HeroBoy: Hey Mom, guess how much I love you?

Me: How much?

HeroBoy: A hundred times!

Me: Aw, thanks sweetie!

HeroBoy: No, nevermind - not a hundred times. I love you sixty pounds!

Now that's love.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:40 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

April 27, 2007

A Few Of My Favorite Words

I love the way the Duke talks right now. It's so cute.

Rahrayrooruh (like Astro) - Hallelulah

Poobie - Pooh Bear.

Gook. - Luke

Talcum- Thank you.

Whalcum - Your welcome.

Doot doot- choo choo.

Baby- behbeh

There are lots more, but those are a few of my faves.

Posted by WonderGirl at 12:05 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 11, 2007

New Name

I finally settled on an internet name for Solon. From now on I'll call him Chipmunk. He's got the cheeks for it, I promise.

Posted by WonderGirl at 12:03 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 27, 2007

Don't Encourage Him

The Duke is becoming a real comedian lately. Today he stuck a rubber snake up his nose and fell out in hysterical laughter. I couldn't help but laugh too, then I realized that the next thing to go up his nose would probably get stuck and we'd end up in the ER or something. Boys.

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:17 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

March 25, 2007

A Product of Her Generation

Today in church, Czarina drew a picture of a happy, fat queen bee and a cozy little hive. And beside that, she wrote "The Bee- now on DVD".

Silliness.

Posted by WonderGirl at 7:51 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

March 5, 2007

A Baby Story

He looks kinda mad, doesn't he?

Without further ado, I present the story of Solon's birth (pronounced "sew lun" but all one word.) Be prepared though, it's long. Oh, and boys, beware. I promise my feelings won't be hurt if you'd rather not read this one. It may even be TMI for some of you girls, so please, just skip it if you're not interested in details. The reason I decided to be so forthcoming with my birth story is because we made some choices that some people find unusual, and even a bit scary. Homebirths aren't typical in the United States, and a lot of people have fears and misconceptions about it. I thought the positive exposure would be interesting and informative. Anyway. Clicky click if you're still with me.

Continue reading "A Baby Story"

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:59 PM | Comments (18) | TrackBack

February 22, 2007

4 Years Ago

There is nobody on this earth quite like HeroBoy. For those of you who know him, you know there is a certain undefinable quality about him-- he's like a small, mischevious woodland creature. Not quite tame, entirely too cute, and full of unexpected shenanigans. Four years ago today, we welcomed him into our life, hardly knowing what we were in for. It's been a hilarious and challenging journey, guiding him from that wee little babe into the full steam ahead boy he is becoming. We are so incredibly lucky to have him in our life.

I love you, chipmunk. I hope you have a wonderful birthday and lots of fun on your country vacation.

As an aside, here's something I wrote about HeroBoy when he was about a year and half. *tearing up a bit*

July 19, 2004
Run Away With My Heart (file under maternal)

I love to watch HeroBoy run. He throws his shoulders back and leans forward into an aerodynamic position, arms out behind him. His chubby legs work hard as he stomps after a rolling ball. He is laughing and big-eyed, and enjoying the run. When stubby fingers finally wrap around his prize, he whirls around holding it out to me, and runs right back.

As I watch him, I freeze the image in my mind, holding onto it as long as I can. I know one day he'll grow out of his baby legs and his run will become longer and faster. He'll stop chasing after balls, and he'll begin chasing other goals. His stride will take him many places, and eventually, it will take him right into manhood. One day, he won't turn around and come back, and that will be okay. It will be hard, but some paths are meant to take you away. We are gifted with borrowed time, and all parents know this.

But for now, those little legs still bring him back to mama, and I am so very happy to be the one that scoops him up at the end of his run. I am blessed beyond reason, beyond what I deserve.

Thank God for that.

Posted by WonderGirl at 5:31 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 9, 2007

Paper Hearts

Hello Friday!! Glad you could make it. Took ya long enough!

Yesterday was challenging, as far as the kids go. You have good days and bad days even when pregnancy isn't a factor, but being pregnant certainly didn't help matters. I am definitely more short-tempered and impatient than usual. Ugh. I'm a crankmeister. I had to apologize to Czarina at one point in the day, because I totally overreacted to something she did. True, it was a mildly irritating thing she did, but my reaction was out of proportion, and I knew it. I think it's important to treat your children with respect and dignity, too- and I didn't. It's one thing to discipline and train your children, which you MUST do as a parent, but being bigger and in charge doesn't give us the right to take things out on them or hurt their feelings. You know when you've crossed that line. It is possible to sin against your child, and when you do, you need to make it right. They need to know that even adults make mistakes, and when you do, you humble yourself and ask forgiveness the way God wants us to. We teach best by example. I don't think it undermines my authority, I think it emphasizes God's authority. What better lesson to impart than that? (This could be a whole post in itself!)

Anyway, I made amends, and tried to take deep breaths for the rest of the day. I was happy to see my pillow last night... but I told myself as I laid there in bed, I will make tomorrow better. So that's today's plan. Just be better than yesterday.

So, today, we're gonna do something the kids will enjoy. I'm gonna get the house straightened back up from the morning's activities, and then we're going to make valentines. Um, minus the glitter, because I am not that much of a glutton for punishment! But it will be fun, and different, and it makes me feel good to do something special with them. I realize how upside-down their worlds are about to be again, and they could probably do with a little Momma time, during which Momma is not a big, scary, go-do-it-because-I-said-so Monster.

Guess I should go get started on things. Hope you all have a lovely weekend! I'll take a few pictures of our work and post them, (along with the van picture) later.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:16 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

January 9, 2007

Chatterboxes

"Children should be seen and not heard."

Ya know, there are days when I could really get behind that philosophy.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:33 AM | TrackBack

December 1, 2006

Flash of the Day

The other day, I tagged HeroBoy as he ran by me and demanded snuggles from him. He acquiesced for a moment, cuddling up for a few precious moments. But adventure quickly beckoned, and he pulled away to pursue it. "Aww..." I pouted, and tried to hang on to him.

"Sorry, Mom!" he explained. "That's all the snuggles I got!"

Well, at least I got it while the getting was good.

Posted by WonderGirl at 1:54 PM | TrackBack

October 25, 2006

Big Love in Small Packages

Czarina made a list of baby-related topics that she wants to think about, which I've thoughtfully transcribed for you.

*Ahem

baf and dipr ckangs... Bath and diaper changes.

naptim and ckangs clos... Naptime and changing clothes.

and eding and cring... Eating and crying.

and druleg and babe buk... Drooling and baby books.

and plaing and hugin and kising... Playing and hugging and kissing.

Ah, little one. A "To Do" list of love bordered in penciled hearts, evidence of your big sister's joy before she even meets you. Aren't you lucky to have such love waiting?

Posted by WonderGirl at 5:38 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

September 28, 2006

Awww... Her First Sarcasm

Last night, we witnessed a milestone in Czarina's comic development.

We were eating dinner, which included homemade french fries I'd been craving, and Czarina had to go to the bathroom. She left the table, putting her half eaten french fry on her napkin instead of her plate. When she came back, she exclaimed, "Who put that there?"

"The french fry fairy, " I answered cutely.

She didn't miss a beat, and replied with a smirky little grin, "Oh, wishes really do come true!"

She got me. She totally wiped the floor with me on that one. It was so funny, King Pen and I had tears in our eyes.

I'm so proud.

Posted by WonderGirl at 9:49 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

September 22, 2006

Slow and Steady

she's growing...

Okay, so I don't know if it's a girl. And while I will love a boy or a girl, I'll admit I'd like to play dress up again with a sweet baby girl.

The SmockLady has had a pregnancy ticker on her blog for a while, so I thought I'd take her idea for the day. Cool! And yeah, it saves me having to write all this developmental stuff out for you. So I'm lazy. Sue me.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:24 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

August 13, 2006

Loving and Learning

Yesterday, I went to a used homeschool bookstore. I was fortunate enough to borrow about half of the material I needed from my sister-in-law, which was great. I shudder to think how much money I would have had to shell out for teacher's manuals and whatnot! Thank you, Tara! Anyway, after digging for hours, I did find a few things at the bookstore. But I ended up having to order most of what I needed from the A Beka website- the student workbooks and tests, etc. It should (hopefully) be here in a few days. And guess what?

I'm excited!

I didn't expect to be, honestly. We had the notion to homeschool our children well before they came along-- grand thoughts of a roomful of obedient and shining children, eager to learn. Then we actually HAD those children, and the idea seemed a bit more daunting. And when I found out I was pregnant with number four, well, it seemed downright scary. I came to terms with it, but I wasn't excited.

It's funny how God can change your heart.

I wasn't looking to have an attitude change when I picked up the curriculum book. I was just trying to familiarize myself with the teaching method. But as I read, I started to imagine what my day will be like. How Czarina will listen to me, and how I'll explain things, and how I'll keep HeroBoy occupied with some colorsheets or playdo. I thought about setting up our school area, how we'll decorate and celebrate the seasons and holidays- how we'll have a "sticker chart" for good behavior. And I suddenly found myself eager to start the school year. I realize now that homeschooling isn't just another chore to add to my daily to-do list. It's a priviledge I have- to teach my child, to watch her learn- to be a part of introducing her to the world. Over the last week, God has given me an enthusiastic spirit- and I'm grateful for it. It's much more fun going into it with an excited attitude than the martyred one I'd been harboring. How fortunate I am to have this opportunity to share in my child's education! I am so glad that God knows when my attitude needs adjusting, even when I don't.

I'm sure I'll have my moments- we all do- but I believe this is going to be a positive experience for my family. I'll keep you up to date- as soon as our "schoolroom" is all set up, I'll take a picture of it. We're taking one more week to enjoy the summer, while we wait for the last of the books to come in. Seven more days of swimming, sleeping late, and being general lay-abouts... then it's off to school!

Posted by WonderGirl at 3:21 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

August 9, 2006

Week Eleven

Hey, baby! How's it going in there? Give me the run down.

* Nearly all structures and organs are formed and beginning to function.
* Fingers and toes have separated
* Hair and nails begin to grow
* The genitals begin to take on the proper gender characteristics - It will be just a few more weeks before your ultrasound can show if you are having a boy or a girl!
* Amniotic fluid begins to accumulate as the kidneys begin to function - This fluid, consisting primarily of water, helps provide a cushion for your baby while she's nestled within your womb.
* The muscles in the intestinal walls begin to practice contractions that digest food.
Your baby is about 1.61 inches (4.1 cm) long and weighs 0.25 ounce (7gm).

(From Pregnancy.org)

Posted by WonderGirl at 11:26 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

August 2, 2006

Made for the Movies

Remember when I made a video of the Duke's first year? Well, here's one I made of Czarina's first five. Enjoy!

(It goes without saying that it's 6 pm and I'm still in my pajamas. This was an all day production! Ha!)

Posted by WonderGirl at 7:06 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

July 25, 2006

Part of the Pudding Club

Well lovies, I promised juicy news, and WonderGirl delivers.

Continue reading "Part of the Pudding Club"

Posted by WonderGirl at 2:07 PM | Comments (15) | TrackBack

June 15, 2006

She Draws Stories

Czarina has gotten pretty imaginative in her artwork lately. She drew a caterpillar, inching along, and a girl hanging on to his back by one arm, hair flying in the wind, smiling as big as the sun.

It's the fastest caterpillar in the world, she explains.

I
love
that.

Posted by WonderGirl at 11:44 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

June 13, 2006

Doubts

I'm having one of those "I Should Never Have Been Allowed to Be A Mother" moments. Gah. One of those moments when you realize you're entirely too selfish, too self-centered, too lazy, too inadaquete, too everything to be anybody's anything.

I've been planning on homeschooling Czarina this year for some time now. But when we moved, I wanted to know my options, and I looked at the public schools. (GASP) For the record, they are very good here. I think if you're gonna send your kid to public school, this would be the place to do it. But, it's not for us. I may be a little more lax on the issue because I went to public school myself, but King Pen feels firmly that he wants to avoid the state educating his children. I can understand that. Private school is out financially for the moment, so I am facing the task myself.

Which scares the heck out of me.

I'll be honest- I'm afraid I'll do it all wrong, I'm afraid I won't have time to do it properly, chasing after two rambunctious boys, I'm afraid that to do it, my house will have to be a disaster, my writing will slip away, along with any remaining vestiges of my sanity. I'm afraid I'll be compared to other homeschooling moms, the ones who bake their own bread from wheat they've grown in their own backyards while standing on their heads, blah blah blah. I'm not that good. I'm just not. I'm no pioneer woman, and if you don't believe me, you should try my corn pone. And if I'm not shown up by the other domestic homeschooling goddesses out there, I'm afraid I'll be one of those that walks around with the Blank Stare. I'm afraid I'll have nothing left over of myself at the end of the day. Ya know?

I realize how I sound-- I know it's awful. I am ashamed that I feel any of those things. I should have it wayyyy more together than that. But I don't. Being a mom is tough sometimes- because it requires so much, not just of your time, but of your essence. Your creativity. Your emotional and mental energy. It doesn't mean I don't love my children- it just means that I am a person, and like all people, I am sinful and selfish. I don't want to relinquish myself, I don't want to self-sacrifice, any more than anybody else does. Sacrifice sucks. Sometimes, I really don't feel like making lunch. I'd rather finish reading my book. It's true. I'd rather do what I want to do sometimes. Though I know I will always choose what is best for my children, part of me fights it. Part of me rebels at giving up anything more. It is that part that disappoints and bothers me. It causes me to doubt myself- am I a bad mother? Am I missing some vital, maternal element that those "Great Moms" have and I don't? I have this feeling that if I was doing it all right, then I would be content and I wouldn't mind giving up my spare time and interests for their benefit. I'd happily lay it all down, cheerfully take on any task without blinking an eye. I know moms like that. They are masters of their craft.

What am I missing here?

That's not a rhetorical question- help a mama out. Even if you think what I need to hear is just "get over it, quit feeling sorry for yourself." It wouldn't be the first time I had a pity party busted up like that. Give it to me straight.

Posted by WonderGirl at 3:02 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

May 20, 2006

Drenched and Loving It

After all the craziness of graduation week, we needed some down time today. So, we hung out at the Shaw Center for the Arts, playing in the fountains out front. We left when the cops finally came and chased us off. Kidding. The place was designed for giggling, squeeling children, I assure you. It was a blast.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:45 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

May 16, 2006

Watch Me

I made a little movie about the Duke's first year. Yay me!

All it required was entirely neglecting my evening chores and making a scary casserole for supper.

(By the way, I was inspired by Momma Hagrid's video and totally stole the idea. Thanks MH!!)

Posted by WonderGirl at 8:53 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

May 14, 2006

A Soft Goodnight

I don't do this often, but on Mother's Day, I felt it appropriate to indulge. When the Duke woke up tonight because his older brother and sister were playing too loud, I crept into his room, picked him out of his crib, and we both snuggled into the spare bed in his room. I had a bottle ready, but he wasn't interested in it. What he was interested in, was Momma. He was curious at this strange turn of events, I could tell. Normally, I have a strict bedtime policy. Momma does not play at bedtime. But tonight, I just wanted to enjoy his baby sweetness, just a moment longer. I can feel these times fading, as sure as the light through the window as we snuggled. There is a right time to break the rules, and this was it.

He patted my arm, tucked his head under my neck, and found that soft spot to lay that God only gave to mommas. As he sucked his thumb, he contented himself with a long strand of my hair to play with. I closed my eyes, and spent an hour in his world. I listened to his little noises, his babbley songs and chirps, listened as he clicked his tongue and giggled. I peeked at him out of the corner of my eye and saw him looking around the dim room, his eyes big and blinky, just watching the night come slowly upon us. Soon, I felt his body relax and his breathing become even and steady. Before long, my little love slipped into dreams of puppies and cheerios and being barefoot in the grass.

I was loathe to remove his warm little body from mine, loathe to let go. But I did. I placed his sleepy form into a cozy crib, and let him visit the land of winkin', blinkin', and nod on his own. It is the beginning of new days for him- new days for me, when being a mother doesn't mean diapers and bottles and onesies. Instead, it will mean t-ball, and sleepovers, and cups without lids. It's scary, and exciting, and fun, and sad. It's a million things, it's every thing. I never knew that. I had an inkling, a hint, before these three forces came into my life, but nothing truly prepared me for it.

I never knew motherhood gave you so much. It's ironic- this day we acknowledge our mothers and the sacrifices they've made for us, the love and support they've shown us since we turned their worlds upside down with that first cry... but the truth is, we mothers know-- we're the blessed ones. I am lucky to be here, with these three little lights flitting around me like fireflies. It is the very definition of joy.

Happy Mother's Day, everybody.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:48 PM | Comments (3) |