July 18, 2008

Living for Me

Oh, how I miss our church in B'ham. Well, thank goodness for the internet, and email newsletters from the pastor! In the last one, he included a quote by J. P. Moreland on how sin curves us in on ourselves. Warning-- yeowch! Anybody else out there besides me loving self a bit too much? Watch out, then. This'll sting a little.

Pursuit of the demands of the empty self and the cultivation of a life of self-denial under Jesus' lordship constitute two very different approaches to life that produce radically different sorts of people. It is here that the two different understandings grab us by the throat, shake us to the core, and demand we make a choice of lifestyle strategies. This choice is as important as any one you will ever make, and that is not religious hype; it is the sober truth. If pleasurable satisfaction is your goal, then from morning to night your habituated focus will be on three things - "me, myself, and I." You will constantly be monitoring your own happiness temperature, and your activities (job, recreation, church involvement) and other people (friends, spouse, children, and even God himself) will be mere things, objects that simply exist as a means to your own happiness. You will have great difficulty forming meaningful attachments to other people. If you are shy, you will withdraw from people - not to find solitude to reenter relationships with solid boundaries and emotional/spiritual refreshment, but to attack them and find safety that keeps you from having to change. You will hide from others and fail to give them what they need from you to grow in spiritual formation and friendship. If you are outgoing, you will repress your fears and shame by becoming socially aggressive. You will talk all the time in social situations and not develop skills as a good listener, or if you don't know how to listen to others, it will be a front to earn the right to turn the conversation back to you at the earliest opportunity. After several years of this sort of life, you will become a self-absorbed, empty narcissist. A culture of people w who live this way will be a culture that elevates celebrities. A celebrity is someone given attention because of his or her image or ability to get others to live their lives vicariously through the celebrity's life, such as it is. This is an ugly form of codependency between trapped empty celebrities and passive empty fans! Empty selves exchange a life of drama for Turkish Delight."

Not much left to say after all that. I realize that one of the blessings (sometimes disguised as tribulation!) of motherhood is the opportunity to confront my selfishness on a daily, no, HOURLY, basis. I am confronted by my self-centered behaviors and laziness All.The.Time. God knew that I needed four children! It's a lesson I seem to require every fifteen minutes, judging by the demands of family life.

Thickheaded as I am though, I have figured out that I am the happiest and most content when I surrender, when I sacrifice, when I give. Not that the lesson stays long, because I eventually wander back to selfishness and poutiness and entitlement and all that. If I decide my needs are not being met, whatever those are, that I don't get to jog enough, or write enough, or have peace and quiet, or go shopping-- well, then. Am I happy? No!! Not at all! I am downright miserable! The more I analyze just what I need to make ME happy, the farther away from it I get.

But, If I stop looking at how others can meet my needs better, and instead look at how I might meet the needs of others better-- and then DO IT, well, I find myself inexplicably, happier! It's not a trick, or denial, or suppression of how I really feel. I am genuinely happy and satisfied. It's the workings of the Holy Spirit within us-- that when we are obedient, we are happy. We're created that way. When we give, we receive. When we minister to, we are ministered upon. When we bless others, we're blessed in return. You know it, and so do I! So why? Why do we try to fulfill all our own desires? Why do we constantly try to manufacture our joy and contentment? Because we believe the lie, because we sin, because we're human.

We'll never get the results we want, if we don't reject those lies, and embrace the Truth. Pursuit of our own happiness leads in the totally wrong direction. It's about laying down that old, sinful man within us, and picking up the cross, and going that-a-way, the way He went. It's about serving others as Jesus served, loving as Jesus loved, living as Jesus lived.

So, after reading Moreland's sharp words, I ask myself, who is benefiting from the work of my hand today? Who am I serving? Who am I loving? Who am I living for? Oh, it's true enough that I made the meals and did the laundry and met the other daily needs. But what was my heart like today? With whose happiness was I concerned? Only I know that, only I know how generous my spirit was, or wasn't.

Tough questions. Sad, though, because the answer should really be very simple.

Anyway, just some thoughts today, a little introspection, outrospected. Ha.

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July 15, 2008

The Secret Keeper

A handmade envelope, colored with fat crayon strokes and penned with a childish hand, bears the words, "The Secret Keeper". Anticipation sparks off my fingertips as I lift the flap and tug out the contents of this carefully constructed gift.

Inside, I find a polaroid picture of a duck, sitting on it's nest, an egg peeking out underneath it's feathers. There is no explanation, nor any need for it.

And yet, I am struck by something I can't quite explain. (How feeble the body expresses matters of the spirit!) I feel as if I'm on the brink of a great epiphany, as if I hold a very important piece of the puzzle in my hands. The moment is silver around the edges in my mind-- it stands out, it's important--

And then I see it- the unbridled awe of childhood, the sweet, inspired efforts of young love, the natural, hidden mysteries of a duck's egg. Somehow, it is all there. It is, in every way, a good and perfect thing. It is the Perfect Secret. Perfect in the keeping, perfect in the sharing.

I can't say why the moment resonated within me-- but I understood it in my blood. It moved me, settled in, stayed. It gave a name to that safe place for the good things in life... those that are hidden in plain sight-- innocence, and love, wonderment. His Secret Keeper showed me so much more than a duck on a nest. It reminded me that what is good and right in this world is being preserved by someone. Not just by someone, but Someone. Joy and mercy and purity and all that can be called good, was given form. Mysterious, divine, perfect form- one I cannot begin to understand. It was wrapped up with care and pride, and made a gift to me. Me! And it doesn't go away.

When the rest of the world is quite awful, when I am quite awful, it's still there. When I wander away, when I become jaded and cynical, when I shrug off virtue and reject joyfulness-- still, there is this gift untouched, even by my own hand. It is a sweetness pressed onto me, an imprint of righteousness that I didn't earn and don't deserve, but can't live without. I've been given an almighty gift, a high and holy secret keeper, stitched into the dark recesses of my soul. All that is good in me rises from that place. All that is decent and loving and worth anything at all, is born there. Hatched mysteriously, wonderfully, like a duck's egg.

And, like all perfect secrets, it is as wonderful in the sharing, as it is in the keeping.

----As an afterthought, please forgive me for lofty language, for fanciful constructions of grammar. It's not that I mean to paint rainbows and butterflies with my words. If that happens, it is because my aspirations reach farther than my skills. But, still, I find myself compelled to try.----

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June 10, 2008

A Chasing After the Wind

I love sitting in church listening to a sermon, and having God underline something. Last week, the pastor said, "If you are pursuing your own happiness, you will not find it." God might as well have taken a great, big, neon highlighter for that point, because it was central. Relevent. Astoundingly true. So I wanted to write about it here, like taking notes in a class, because it's something I don't want to forget. I'm passing them along, in case you were absent that day. (Which reminds me, you still owe me two dollars for those chocolate almonds I gave you the other day from the band fundraiser stash. Okay. 'Nuff highschool references.)

"If you are pursuing your own happiness, you will not find it."

That's so antithetical to our way of living, isn't it? The American dream is all about achieving your goals, realizing your potential, achieving your utmost happiness. And we're given a thousand paths to follow to that golden utopia. Academics- a college degree- traveling- knowing thyself- going green- being creative and different- getting away from it all- Jack Kerouac- writing the next great American novel- Martha Stewart- enlightenment- any way it comes. We are encouraged at every turn to self fullfillment. Whatever it might be, just find out what makes you happy and do it. We mistakenly believe happiness is found in having our needs met, emotionally, physically, and financially. So we navigate life according to the greatest accomplishment of those things. We seek our own ends. And, sadly, left to our own devices, we will find it.

Continue reading "A Chasing After the Wind"

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May 14, 2008

Shutting It Down

Yowch. That sign just kicks ya right in the gut, huh?

Self revelation is rarely a pretty thing. I had a rather jarring realization the other day about my internal complaint system. Totally malfunctioning. It was kicked all the way up. Running nonstop. You couldn't see it or hear it, because it was on silent mode, but it was steady vibrating in my pocket.

And, nothing can sustain that maximum level for long, before overheating and blowing out.

Okay, 'nuff with the analogy.

Seriously, though. I have a tendency to internalize discontent, which is not to say I'm some sort of martyr, bearing up under stress. It's a bad thing to do. It is sneaky, in that it steals the joy and satisfaction of a job well done. It undermines the good things going on in your life.

And it's so easy to do, complaining in your brain. You look pretty good from the outside. But it's wrong, just as wrong as griping over a microphone for everybody to hear. What's inside you never stays there for long- it's bound to find a way out eventually. Better to deal with it right now, when it's just a thought, than before it becomes a word in your mouth that you can't take back. Before your complaining words find innocent targets.

The Bible is clear about complaining. Don't do it. Not in your mind, not in your heart, and not with your voice.

1 Corinthians 10:10 - And do not grumble, as some of them did—and were killed by the destroying angel.

Psalm 106:25 - They grumbled in their tents and did not obey the LORD.

Ephesians 4:29 - Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Good grief-- how far short do I fall of that last one? What percentage of my internal dialogue is edifying and kind? I would be ashamed to hear my voice ringing out loud with some of the things I've thought, and that's not an easy thing to confess.

Consider it this way: do you know somebody who complains all the time? It's exhausting, isn't it? You can't console them, because that's not what they want to hear. You can't encourage them, either, it doesn't even register. And their discontent is infectious, it contaminates the people around them. You never bring them up, and they'll always bring you down. It's exasperating and frustrating. I imagine that God must feel that way sometimes when we complain in our spirits- because He certainly hears our thoughts and knows our hearts. Imagine your complaints as a megaphone in His ear. That certainly gives me pause. I don't want to be that person. I really don't.

So how do you stop? Well, if you've had a lifetime of indulging your inner complain-o-meter, then it'll be a struggle. But if you want a sweet heart, a gentle spirit- then you've got to start by relinquishing your discontent. When you feel that grouchy instinctive response to something- to a bump in your day, an interruption in the middle of your work, to the regular, small irritations of life... just stop. Make today the day that nothing ruffles you. Today is No Complaint Day. Just for today, be the duck the water rolls right off of. Determine to be absolutely unruffled. Loosey-goosey. It's actually quite liberating. Being unhappy is exhausting work. God is working diligently to bring joy into our lives- Romans 8:28- And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Being discontent means we're swimming against the current of His outpoured love! It's not the natural direction for the Christian. We are wearing ourselves out, and don't even know it. "Go with the flow" has special meaning for Christians. I don't want to waste precious time flailing about in bitter waters, when I could be sailing in His goodness.

(I really milk those analogies, don't I? Squeeze every last drop out of 'em.)

Anyway. Besides out right, purposeful rejection of the whiny, complainy voice in your head, you can, and should, pray. Pray that God will help you be happy today, in this moment, in this life with all it's imperfections and aggravations. Ask Him to give you peace and joy no matter what the circumstances are in your life. And most importantly, ask Him to give you a grateful heart. Thank Him for all He's done in your life, then try to count those countless blessings. It's hard to be thankful and to complain at the same time. Try it- it just can't be done.

It starts small. It starts today. That's all you have to do, is just this 24 hour period. You can do that, you know you can. Then tomorrow, you do it again. Wash, rinse, and repeat. It'll get easier, the voice will get smaller, and you'll feel better. I guarantee it.

Anyway, those are just some thoughts on my mind today. I figured, maybe some of you know what I'm talking about, and might benefit from yet another painful, hard learned, WonderGirl lesson.

Will I ever learn things the easy way? Doesn't seem likely. Usually takes the big, obvious road signs that say, "STOP SINNING!" Good thing God keeps putting them up all over the place. Ha.

**Photo by Brett Rogers (http://www.beatcanvas.com)

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May 9, 2008

I Will Dwell

This is a beautiful video. This woman is in labor, singing the 23rd Psalm. No worries, it's in no way graphic. If you have a moment, please watch it. It is one of the most moving, intimately spiritual glimpses into someone's life I've ever seen.

What's so amazing about this video is the visible, vivid picture of our dependence on God. The physical struggle for peace, for strength, during dreadful pain-- what a metaphor. I see her striving, hear her praising God in the midst of adversity, and my soul expands. I am lifted up, joined with heavenly choirs. It is so clearly what God wants of us. That in our pain, we call out to Him, we trust Him. That despite our circumstances, the heartwrenching moments in life, we are looking to Him. No matter how it hurts, that we do not curse His name. We do not rail against Him, instead, we cling to Him, as our only hope and salvation.

That's what I see when I watch this video.

I know it acutely, I know where she is as her body toils in the particular pain of childbirth, and I marvel at it. But pain comes in all forms. Whether it is living with the consequences of our own sins, the inevitable losses and despairs of mortality, or the strain of obedience and putting to death our carnal man, pain is pain. But whatever it is, whatever you labor with, God is God. He carries you through the pain, always. He heals and soothes, He strengthens. He is bigger than any hurt this life produces.

Again, because the world needs to know- He is bigger than any hurt this life produces.

What a testimony this woman has, what use God made of her pain. May He do likewise with mine- may He have the glory in the valleys of my life.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:43 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 10, 2008

Got Guilt?

Well, if you're me, then you do. I have an extremely overactive guilt gland. It's awful. I feel guilty about EVERY SINGLE THING. It's something I have to fight really hard, because it's not good, productive guilt. It's ugly, crippling, depressing guilt. It comes in the form of a negative inner voice that constantly berates me for what I haven't done that I shoulda, what I have done that I shouldna, and everything else in between. Since I'm a sinful creature, that list is ridiculously huge.

I don't know why I'm that way, maybe it's the product of being an oldest child and wanting to please, maybe it's just the makeup of who I am, maybe it's a particular malady that women are prone to. Whatever it is, though, it's not something only I deal with. I know plenty of people who know exactly what I'm talking about.

Continue reading "Got Guilt?"

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April 9, 2008

Not So Outlandish

('scuse the pun. It's an involuntary reflex.)

I finished Outlander last night, with (surprisingly) minimal neglect of my normal life. I made a deal with myself, that if I was going to read it, I had to at least continue feeding my children. They're good kids, they deserve it. This book has a bad reputation for causing everything else to become totally irrelevent. However, everybody ate. (I'm not saying WHAT they ate, or whether dishes got washed.)

It was really, really good.

It was one of those books that you keep thinking about after you're done, remembering passages, wishing you hadn't read it so you could read it all over again. It was well written, the plot was engaging, and the characters genuine and believable. It's very similar to a story I thought about writing (and actually finished a few chapters on), but I'm embarrassed I even thought to do it after reading her skillful execution of it. She is a master storyteller.

I mentioned there was a fair bit of *ahem, but I'd like to clarify that it was tastefully done, and within the confines of marriage. I'm going to expound on that a bit, kids, so, 18+ from here on out.

Continue reading "Not So Outlandish"

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April 3, 2008

Because Resistance Isn't Futile

I write on this blog about a lot of things, but I always seem to come back to the challenges of pursuing a holy life. A lot of what I say is formed as an encouragement, but it's not because I feel like people need to hear what I'm saying. I worry at times that I must sound preachy, when that's not what this is about at all. It's actually much more selfish than that-- it's for me. This blog has turned into a way for me to underline certain things I've learned in my life- a way to remind myself of those lessons I've learned the hard way. It's a confessional, a proclamation, an edification, a memorial-- the place I work out my faith. So when I write about this next topic, I want you to know it's because I've struggled with it. I currently struggle with it. And I know if I do, then you do, too. Maybe by sharing it here, then together, we can be sharpening stones for each other.

This is about secret sin, whatever form that takes. The sin that you are sincerely glad nobody knows about. Got it in your head? It probably popped to mind right away, so you'll know that's the one to think about as you read this. Okay. I've got mine, you've got yours, so let's get to it.

Continue reading "Because Resistance Isn't Futile"

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March 31, 2008

Mission Possible

Been pondering some things about my life lately (I know, me analyzing things? Crazy, huh?)

I am fairly certain I wasn't much of a thinker in my early twenties. (I'm not sure, because, well, I wasn't paying attention.) Don't get me wrong, I wasn't dumb or anything. I was just busy trying out those new grownup shoes. I had fun. Lots of it. I tromped all over in my grownup shoes. It was fun to have our own apartment. It was fun going to Walmart at 2 a.m. It was fun exploring the countryside on afternoon Saturday drives. Anywhere I went in those shoes was new, and exciting.

I don't regret a minute of it. It was a great way to start off adulthood. There's a time for all things.

But as I got older, and started having kids and all the responsibilities that come along with them, I had to learn about prioritizing. And I haven't stopped since.

I think that's what being an adult comes down to. Making sometimes hard choices about what's important, and what's not, and what's in between. That list is constantly shifting for me. Some things go up on the list, then drop back down. Some things disappear completely. Sometimes, totally new and unexpected things suddenly become very important. Juggling that everchanging list is a skill we must perfect, and let me tell you if don't know already and you're still enjoying the newness of your grownup shoes- It ain't easy. But if you don't know what matters in life, what deserves (and needs) your time and attention, then you're missing the whole point. You are adrift.

So, to my ponderings. What's important to me at this time in my life is a no brainer. It's my kids. I absolutely must keep them at the top of my priority list. And while it might be a natural instinct to protect and nurture your offspring, it is also a natural instinct to sin. So I don't always get it right. Oh, don't worry- this is a not a beat-myself-up post. It's just a matter of fact. I try, and God is gracious with our attempts, no matter how far short they fall sometimes.

Anyway, because that is my top priority, my calling in life, and it is a HUGE one, it's very easy to make this mistake: I think, because I am fulfilling this most important task set before me, that that is it. My contribution to the world at large. My plate is full, so I am content to concentrate solely on what's right there in front of me.

And, I think I'm not seeing the whole picture. Because, God doesn't stop at commanding us to raise a holy family. He says, "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost." Who do you think he was talking to? Just young, single, unattached people? No! Was he talking only to pastors? Seminary students? Bilingual foks? No. He was talking to you. And me. Parents. Teachers. Golf club makers. Sushi chefs. Grandparents. Retired people. Folks with no hands, no feet. People with every reason to stay right where they are. And good reasons at that. But there are no exclusions in this verse. No, "everybody except stay-at-home-moms" or "only if you can afford to take your vacationtime for that mission trip", or "unless you drop a dollar in the Salvation Army bucket at Christmas".

So, obviously, we are supposed to be doing something. It's undeniable. We sense it, innately, as Christians. But as parents, there is a temptation to say, well, my children are my mission. I am pursuing God's work right here. Look at 'em- see, they can already recite the Lord's Prayer! I think God must chuckle a little, and say, "well, duh."

This is about more.

This is about examining yourself, your circumstances, your talents, your abilities, and finding where God wants to direct those things, outside of your home. Away. Over there. That's the "go" part. See, doesn't it seem obvious? I mean, intellectually, I understand the meaning of that scripture. But somehow for me, for a long time, it's translated as "sit here and read Scripture to your child". But He covered that elsewhere in the Bible, didn't He? We already know we're supposed to be doing that. This is in addition. It's like- eat, but drink, too. Both are vital, independant of each other. Both ensure health and strength. The absence of either will eventually cripple us.

There are people in my life who do this. People who have missions. God opened my eyes to this recently, like a lightbulb going off. I want to tell you about them, and maybe it will encourage you. I have a friend who is "the visitor". Her ministry, her talent, is in friendship. She keeps up with people- it is a purposeful, time-consuming effort, to connect almost weekly with everyone she has befriended. She listens, and shares, and has lightened my life with just BEING there. I can't tell you how her friendship has ministered to me.

Another friend is "the mailer". Not a week goes by that she hasn't popped an old magazine in the post for me, or a quick note with picture of us, or a birthday card, or just any little thing she can think of. I suspect she has a rotation list for her mailings, certain days she mails to certain people. However she does it, it's not some random moment of kindness. This is a mission. She makes it a priority, she's organized, intentful. This small act says, "I'm thinking about you. I love you." What a beautiful reflection of the God she loves and serves.

I could go on and on- listing people I know who have found a calling, answered a need. I could tell you of the people who determine to be good neighbors, those who visit EVERY SINGLE SICK PERSON they know in the hospital. I could tell you of those who teach the Sunday school class nobody else wants. Those who drive the bookmobiles, who send flowers at funerals without fail. Who sing at nursing homes, or organize food for new moms recouping at home. They do what they're good at, and they do it in His name. They don't wait to be asked or told. They're intentful, eager, not only making themselves available to be used by God, but searching out opportunities, too. They find a way to create a signpost with their actions that points back to God. Oh, that that would be said of me. How can that not be one of the most important things in life? How can that not be at the top of my list?

I've let these dear, wonderful missionaries in my life do those things, not thinking for a long time that, hey, I'm supposed to be doing something, too! I have talents, skills, and yes, even spare time, that God wants to be using.

I can't go to Africa. I can't leave my family and walk the mission field. That's not the path for me. But it doesn't mean I don't have a path. I do. But it takes putting a foot out, taking a step. Movement, action. I can use what God has given me to meet needs right here. He's equipped me with exactly what I need, and put me exactly where I am, so that I, too, can "go." There is a mission for me, should I choose to accept it, and it's not impossible. (sorry. couldn't resist.) I can further His kingdom, right here in my own corner of it. As you can, right where you are, no matter where that is.

I'm going to be praying that He opens my eyes to a place that I can minister in His name. I hope you will be, too. I think we'll be surprised at how quickly He'll answer that prayer.

I am excited to see what God will do.

Posted by WonderGirl at 4:27 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

March 4, 2008

Smells In My House

Cupcakes.
Chicken and dumplings.
Rasberry candle.
and underneath all that, a light citrus floor cleaner scent.

Ahhh... the smells of domesticity!

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March 2, 2008

Love Means Saying I'm Sorry

HeroBoy broke a little bit of my heart yesterday.

He has a habit of spilling cups at the table. After the umpteenth ruined plate of food, my patience begins to wear thin. I try not to let that stuff get to me, but I have to admit, it happens occasionally.

So, he spills, and I didn't hide my irritation. "Well, go get a towel!"

He did, and began to wipe it up, but was making more of a mess.

"HeroBoy!" I sigh. "Nevermind, I'll do it. Just go outside and play."

There was no doubt, mama wasn't happy. I am not proud to say that. I should have been more patient. More gracious. More merciful. But I wasn't. I indulged my irritation, and I snapped at him.

About fifteen minutes later, I hear a knock at the door and I can just make out the top of HeroBoy's head. I opened the door, and there he is, holding out a big, beautiful azalea he picked from the yard, bottom lip trembling.

"I'm sorry, Mama. I'm sorry I made a mess," he said, with tears brimming up in his deep brown eyes.

Well, my heart just shattered. I was downright ashamed. Ashamed that I let my poor attitude over a minor inconvenience so profoundly grieve him. I forgot for that moment just how much I matter in his world. Forgot that I basically AM his world right now, and if things aren't peaceful between us, there is no solace for him anywhere else. That a moment that is so minor to me, can be everything to him. That me not being happy means he's not happy, either.

So I hugged him, a big, squeezy hug, made a big fuss over the flowers, and told him I was so sorry for getting mad. I told him how much I loved him, and that he is a good boy and I dried his tears while blinking back mine. Then we went to put the flowers in water, and left that hurt behind.

I can do that now. I can make it better, I can restore his heart to mine because he is young and he loves me and I'm his world just because I'm his mama. But it won't always be that way.

That's why it's so important now, for me to learn to parent with respect for my child. To really understand my position of authority in his life, that it must be gentled with the realization that this is a child of God. He is, in fact, my brother in Christ. It doesn't diminish my responsibility or my position in his life, but I've got to remember that my power doesn't come from me being bigger, or smarter. It doesn't come from me being more spiritually mature, from being able to keep my cup from spilling at the table, or even from being the one who grew and birthed him! It's a Divine appointment. I've been entrusted with one of His precious ones. That's huge. And it's hard.

It is these moments that remind me how vital the fruits of the Spirit are for mothers. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Gentleness. Self-control. Oh, I need those things desperately! Every day, every moment.

I want to display Christ to my child, the fruits of the Spirit, and less of my sinful nature. Oh, I know, I'll fail. I can't be perfect. I am going to sin against my children, because I am a sinful being. But when that happens, I need to repent, confess, and do better! Yes, even to a child! I think as parents we fall into a trap of thinking that we don't owe our kids an explanation for our behavior, or that an apology will undermine our authority. Or, maybe we think we are always in the right because we're older and wiser. OR that it doesn't matter anyway, such a little infraction against them. That being restored to each other in these small moments doesn't really matter. But it DOES matter.

For my child to see repentance and forgiveness worked out in their mother's life- not only to see it, but to be a participant in it-- what better teaching tool than that? Teach them to be repentant, by being repentant. Teach them to be honest, by being honest. Teach them the fruits of the spirit, by partaking of them together.

Anyway, just thought I'd share my thoughts from my weekend on this Sunday night.

Hope you all have a good week!

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February 25, 2008

Pursuit of Happiness

So, do you Facebook? Have you given in to peer pressure yet? Well, you should. I don't know why you're resisting, you stubborn-headed thing! It's great. It's leagues ahead of myspace!

Anyway.

There is an application that you can add to your page that is really cool. It's called "Define Me", and despite being a bit narcissistic, it's a neat tool. People can leave anonomous words that describe you. The more one word is repeated, the larger it grows in your box. It's gotten me to thinking about how I want people to see me, not just how they see me.

Above all, I want people to see me as joyful. I want it to be in large print, obvious in everything I do, everything I say. I want joy to underline everything else in my life.

For that to happen, I must actually BE joyful. Which is not something that happens accidentally. Joy is the result of purposeful action.

Are you depressed? Sad? Are you angry? Are you stuck in the past, unable to forgive hurts and neglects? Are you tired? Weary of the everyday tasks before, that stretch out as years of endless labor? Stressed, overwhelmed?

Are you unsatisfied? Do you feel short-changed? Do you have regrets that you can't get over? Do you daydream yourself into another life?

Are you bitter? Or are you just empty? Doing what needs to be done because it must be done? Do you see that life is rich and good for other people, but not for you?

Okay, well hang on to your seats, boys and girls, 'cause here's the magic formula. It's so easy, you won't even believe it.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances , for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Yup. That's it.

If you answered yes to any of the above questions (and haven't we all at some time and point in life?), then you are now equipped with the solution to your lack of happiness.

BE JOYFUL. Simply, be. Smile. Laugh. Enjoy. Be cheerful, lighthearted! Don't fight it. Drink from the cup of delight! It's an action verb- it's not something that randomly rains down on you, it's something that you DO. You know how to do it, because you were created in God's image, and He is a joyful God. It's innate. Look for the joy, it's the molecular structure of life. It is the natural state of things-- the way He intended it.

PRAY CONTINUALLY. Are you praying every day? If not, then you shouldn't be surprised at your unhappiness. Are you praising God in your prayers? Try it for an entire prayer, don't ask for anything. Just marvel at Him. Recount to Him all the amazing things He's created, the wonderful things He's done. You cannot help but lead into #3, which is, I think, the real zinger in this formula...

GIVE THANKS. Start counting your blessings. Literally. Start with the easy ones, your family, your children. And let them pour out. The more you thank God for, the more you see to thank Him for! It will build and build until you are pressed on every side with the abundance of a God who loves you. Discontentment, self pity, bitterness- these things can't stand in the face of a thankful spirit. You cannot be thankful and unhappy at the same time. Try it if you don't believe me. It is simply not possible.

Sadly, being the weak vessels we are, these three simple things are monstrously difficult at times. And the farther we are away from joy, the harder we fight coming back to it. It's human nature. But there's no exception clause in the verse-- not when tragedy strikes, or in poverty, or when flames lick our feet. Circumstances don't dictate joy, we can't wait for everything to align up in our life to produce it. That's not the way it works. And joy doesn't dictate circumstance, either. Just because you are doing these things doesn't mean that it will remove adversity from your life. But as Paul says, I have learned to find contentment in want, and in abundance. Isn't that a beautiful thing? I want that to be said of me. That I have a peace that passes all understanding.

Today, be joyful. Pray. And thank God.

Then tomorrow, be joyful. Pray. And thank God.

And life will not be merely the pursuit of happiness. It will be happiness.

It really is just that simple.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:36 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

February 22, 2008

Imperfect Words

Oh founder of my soul,
Great author of my life,
Who breathed a holy breath in me,
And brought this dust upright;

Glory to thee for all thy works,
Those without and those within.
Thy hand moved across the cosmos
To stir my heart from sin.

Keep me at thy feet, Oh God
In fearful awe of thee.
Thy praise forever on my lips,
Humble and bend my knee.

Make me to know thy goodness,
Cause sin to grieve my soul.
Teach me to love thy law each day,
And find strength in thee alone.

Oh kind and faithful God of old,
Who knelt to earth for me,
Make this servant truly thine,
From hence to eternity.

-insufficient words for a sufficient God, imperfect words for the perfect God- but still we try and try we must, for that is what He asks of us.

Posted by WonderGirl at 4:42 PM | TrackBack

February 19, 2008

Christian Lit

Hi, my name is WonderGirl, and I don't like Christian fiction.  (Should I be ducking the firing squad now?)  I occasionally come across a sweet, pioneer love story that holds my attention for a while, but generally speaking, I am not a fan.  Especially the post-apocolyptic, second coming of Christ, angelic/demonic warfare.

It just doesn't do it for me. 

Maybe I'm not reading the right ones, but I find them too sensationalistic.  They feed on the anxieties of today's Christian, the mysteries of the second coming, the abundance of evil in the world.  Things that I just don't think God intends for us to focus on!  There is a temptation there to wallow in despair at the sin around us, to believe there is no hope, no redemption, for a people so lost.  But the Bible says, where sin abounds, grace abounds even more!  I wince when people talk about how "bad" the world is, and that it can't be long before Jesus comes again.  Like the only solution is to wipe the slate clean.  There is nothing new under the sun-- sin has always been this bad, people have been this bad!  Cultures rise and fall, some better, some worse than ours.  We have not invented a newer, more evil sin in our lifetime. It's exactly the same as it's always been. 

It doesn't mean sin isn't bad and we shouldn't repent as a culture.  But is God still working in your life?  Of course He is.  Is He still blessing you, guiding you, shepherding you?  Yes.  Is He able to do all things He wishes?  Yes.  So why not revival in this land?  Why do we feel irredeemable, abandonded, doomed?  Are we not taught that we serve a God who is almighty and sovereign?  One that delights in doing the impossible? Healing the sick, giving sight to the blind, raising the dead?  The more broken people are, the more glory to God in their salvation.

Judgement waits for the unrighteous, this is true, but no one, and no culture, can go so far from God that His hand can't reach out and save them.  Should we look up at the sky, waiting for the brimstone to start raining down upon our heads?  Or instead, look down, at our feet, and our hands, and see that they are doing the work of the Lord? Faithful in every step, in every motion, living daily with the hope of Christ.  Our optimism and happiness should be a beacon in this world!  We should not be wringing our hands in worry over the second coming, or Armageddon, or the rise an antichrist. 

I'm not saying to live in a shroud of denial, with a fake smile pasted on your face, even as the walls come down around you.  I'm just saying, don't forget who we serve.  When people look at us, they should see the joyful expectation of Christ.  They should see it in the way we treat others, in our ministry to the needy, in the way we raise our families and run our homes. Even in the books we read.

But that's just my opinion.  Thoughts?

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:13 AM | Comments (13) | TrackBack

February 4, 2008

Revisiting Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an inescapable force in our lives. You will always need it, and someone will always need it from you, because we are fallen creatures who can't help but hurt each other.

When we give forgiveness, it is a mirror we hold up to Christ. It is baffling to the world, because it is an otherworldly act. It doesn't compute here. How do you know the wrongdoer is really sorry? How do you know they won't do it again? How can they know just how badly they've hurt you, if you forgive them? How many times do you forgive someone? We put requirements and limitations on forgiveness... and what should be a free gift, becomes expensive and exclusive, and not really forgiveness at all.

We can't understand giving forgiveness until we truly realize our need for it. For those of us fortunate enough to have grown up in a Christian home, we can be at a disadvantage here. If you spend your whole life doing pretty much the "right thing", then there is a real temptation to be morally superior. We don't want to admit it, but you know it's true. You reap what you sow- life is generally good, and because YOU are generally good. We may not say that outloud, but there's a part of us longtime Christians that leans to that occasionally. I may struggle with some little sins, but hey, I'm not out there killing people.

Wrong.

I'm glad you're not murdering folks. That's great. People like to live. But just because someone is out there doing something worse than you are, doesn't make your own sins any less damning. Sin is not a comparitive science here. My mother likes to say, "there, but for the grace of God", and she is totally, absolutely right.

Is there a sin you swear you'd never commit? Do you say, Oh, I'd just never do that? Be careful, because that's a point of pride for you. That's an area where you are depending, at least somewhat, on your own strength. The scary thing about doing that, is that this Christian walk is a refining process, and sometimes that pride must go through the fire, which hurts like the dickens.

I think to "get it", for this whole Christianity thing to click, we've got to hate our sin. We've got to realize how black it is, how it grieves God, how it isolates us. It is destruction, and death, even the smallest sliver is poisonous. We live in a society that candy coats sin-- we swallow whole that pleasant pill. Feels good, tastes good, looks good. But once we've ingested it, it corrupts. It contaminates us from the inside out. It separates us from God, it is offensive to Him. We reek of it. And it's been that way since we swallowed the fruit in the Garden.

That's uncomfortable, isn't it? But that's what it is. It should make us uncomfortable. It is the darkest of dark, the most evil of evil. Let that thought soak in, that YOUR little old sin of gossip, or sloth, or that itsy bitsy granule of lust... is so unbearable to God that He can't even LOOK at it.

And when you feel it, when you cast your eyes about in panic, knowing you can't undo it, that there is no way you can escape all this sticky sin, then remember! This is where the story gets good! This is when the Hero charges to our rescue- bridging that gap with forgiveness, leaping over that black, stinking chasm, to us. He swipes through the slimy cords of sin that bind us, His own blood the sword that saves. Not because we were really sorry, not because we won't ever do it again, not because we've earned it or we deserve it, not because we made our sin any less foul in His eyes. He did it because He loves us, and doesn't want us to be apart from Him. Wow! He did it, and because of that, who are we to withhold the same thing from each other? What an opportunity we have- we, who were so mired in sin and have been plucked from the clutches of death-- to mimic our God, to copy his actions like children, forgiving one another as we have seen Him do for us.

All sin is equal. But, people who have been forgiven for something really big like murder or adultery, will tell you that it changes them. It becomes a diving board for compassion. They dive headfirst into forgiveness, splashing everyone around them, giving that gift, whether it is squandered it or treasured, regardless of the outcome. They just can't help it. Self-righteousness is smashed by shame, and slowly rebuilt into a quiet humility. Not a pious humility, but a humbleness that comes from being broken, exposed, from being low, from hitting rock bottom. They know the worst in themselves, know just what they are capable of, and how desperately they need God in their lives.

Those people, they "get it". They can tell you how bad sin is, how great God is, and how much He loves you and wants to forgive you. But it was a lesson they had to learn the hard way. Woe to the man who must be dashed beneath his sin to be sorry for it... be wise, be humble now. Be forgiving now.

It's an amazing, complicated, challenging thing, forgiveness. Whether you give it, or receive it, it changes you. And when it is withheld, it also changes you. You become a little harder, a little tighter. You miss a moment, and that is a sad thing.

Forgiveness is the fertile ground that good things grow in. Be generous with it, spread it far and wide. Not because it's cheap, not because it is the magic fix-it-all, but because it was poured out for you first.

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32 KJV)

Posted by WonderGirl at 12:32 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

January 22, 2008

This Is For You, For Me

To you, my friend, who is also a mom,

You are going to make it. I know it's hard, and overwhelming. I know there are days when it's everything you can do not to cringe when you hear "mo-om" yelled from across the house. I know there are days when you think you can't possibly change another dirty diaper, cut the crust off a sandwich, or wipe a runny nose, but YOU CAN.

You can, because you do. There's nobody else around, after all, and it's got to be done. You will find the reserves, you'll find the ability, because that's who you are and what you do. Not very comforting, is it? But God has not given you a job that you cannot fulfill, if you depend on Him. I know it's a lot- He knows it's a lot- but He promised. You can provide exactly what every little soul in your home needs for the day. Their physical needs, their spiritual ones- all the hugs and kisses and chocolate chip cookies to bake and books to be read-- it's all something you can do. He promises us that He won't give us more than we can bear- and yes, motherhood is at times, something to bear. It yields many rewards, and it's a wonderful blessing, but there's no denying, it's work. Sometimes that load is heavy, and that's okay. It's okay to struggle beneath it, to feel like there are days when you're just trying to soldier through the pain of it-- as long as you keep on, keep going, hold it together one more day, sunrise to sunset...

Sometimes survival is success.

But sometimes... those days, the hardest ones, are the days that God is giving you opportunities. Opportunities to work on that patience you've been praying for. Days to be compassionate, and forgiving-- days when He gives you moments to trust Him, to work out those verses on servanthood you've been reading in your Bible. He's giving you time to be more like Jesus, kind and longsuffering.

Take those opportunities.

Bite your tongue.
Soften your heart.
Gentle your hands.
Open your ears, and eyes.

Remember that God has given you this day, and the tools for it, and we should be glad and rejoice in it.

I pray for you, my friend, that what is a struggle today will be a joy tomorrow. I am proud of you, and I know that your children will rise up and call you blessed for this day's work. Be strong and encouraged, you are up to the task! You can do this, and do it well, and be better for it.

The work, well, it's temporary. The dirty diapers go away. The tying of shoelaces, the endless laundry, the forty-thousandth spilled cup... it's all a finite moment. But, the reward is eternal. Your labor will be seen for all eternity in the hearts of your children, in their obedience to Christ, in their joyful thanksgiving. You will share with them the inheritance of Jesus, infinitely. What greater reward is there for a mother than to see her children sanctified and joined with Christ in heaven?

Don't give up now. Let us run with patience the race that is set before us... for the finish line is bright, and nearer than we know. Angels and saints cheer us forward, and Jesus waits to welcome us home.

--WonderGirl

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:30 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 3, 2007

Departing this Earthly Coil

Good people lost a good man Sunday night. Say a prayer for the Reid family, who knows death holds no sting, but will miss David fiercely till they meet again.

Posted by WonderGirl at 11:52 AM | TrackBack

November 28, 2007

Lighting a Torch to See the Sun

I've been a Christian since I was six years old, but that doesn't mean I have all the answers. Even writing that makes me laugh. There are moments when I flounder, when questions plague me, when I am fearful. There are times when I lay in bed, and I pray, Oh God, please be real. Please don't be what they say you are, just part of the mythology...

And, then: Why, God? Why make it so hard to believe? Why don't You show Yourself to the world, show them so they can't deny You exist?
And: Why do I believe? How do I know?

I don't know if I'm never supposed to wonder those kinds of things, I don't know if it's a sign of my immaturity as a Christian. Maybe it's that I haven't achieved that higher state of faith. I really and truly don't know. How long and how far must you go before those questions disappear? Do they ever, completely?

But, I do know, it's not that I don't believe. Because I know there is a God. But in a world of cynicism and disbelief, where people want cold, hard proof, faith just doesn't seem a big enough reply. Sometimes, you want for a grand display, some great, undeniable solid answer that would settle it once and for all. But God just doesn't operate that way. There are moments when I wish He did. It sure would make things easier. It would be nice to hear His booming voice from the heavens answer to the skeptics, "I am Yahweh! I Am that I Am! I am your Creator!"

I'd smile, and say, "See? I told ya so!" I wouldn't be snotty about it, either. I'd just be glad they could see I'd been telling the Truth.

But that's not God's style. And I kind of understand it. Real faith means complete and utter belief, without seeing. Without the booming voice from heaven. It's expensive, this faith in unseen things. It costs His followers much, and because of that, is more valuable and pleasing in His eyes. It is not a paltry thing, to have faith in God.

But this doesn't mean there isn't any proof of His existence. Because there is proof, everywhere. I could start in on the wonders of the earth and heavens, but truly, I have to look no further than myself to know there is a God. I know the changes He has wrought within me, changes that I could not bring about myself. He is the source of all the good things in me. Anytime I feel compassion, or kindness, or love, I am proof of the Divine. Those things cannot exist without Him. I know what I would be on my own, and it is wretched. I know that He has saved me from myself a thousand times, He has brought me from perilous ends over and over again.

I know He exists, because when I pray, He is listening. "Where are You?" I ask, and He shows me, that He is where He always has been, that it is I who moved from Him. "Help me!" I cry, and He provides, in ways I don't expect, in needs I didn't know I had. "Change me!" I plead, and He does, reaching into parts of me that I couldn't touch, and making what seemed impossible, possible.

No amount of skepticism can touch that. There is no refuting what I know in my soul. The evidence is worked in me, into my very cells-- each breath I take is a proclamation of a loving, saving Creator, and I know it like I know there is blood in my body. I can't see it, but I feel my heart beating, pushing it from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. It's undeniably there, sustaining me.

I don't know any better way to say it. It's just not an easy proof for the world. I can't turn myself inside out to show them what God did in me. But I can hope and pray that they see something different about me as I walk this foreign ground, waiting to go home.

Faith doesn't mean you don't have questions. It doesn't mean you've got it all figured out. It means, you trust, even without having the answers. It means that you believe in God, even when its hard, even when it seems foolish in the eyes of others. You believe, when the world scoffs, because you know, you know, you know, as nobody else can, what you would be without Him.

***

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:41 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

November 25, 2007

Rising Waters

Lately, Noah seems to keep popping in on me. We rented "Evan Almighty" the other day, about the same time I finished "Many Waters" by M. L'Engle. It's funny... I've heard the story of Noah so many times, I could tell it in my sleep. To be honest, it had become more of a children's story than something applicable in my own life. I wasn't intentionally setting out to change that, but recent entertainment pursuits landed me with a fresh look on Noah.

I rented "Evan Almighty", because I liked "Bruce Almighty", and Steve Carell makes me laugh. King Pen wasn't all that enthused, because of the over the top humor. He likes something a little more subtle, which I can understand. But, sometimes you just need something easy, ya know? It was one of those nights I didn't wanna think too hard about my movie, I wanted to veg out. So we popped it in, and it was just the ticket. But in the midst of laughing over Evan's predicaments, I found something profound. Between the silliness of an evergrowing beard and sheep in the backseat, you can see that the death of pride is the beginning of obedience. Evan was utterly, completely, humiliated before his peers, which made for lots of good jokes, but it made you feel bad for the guy. He fought God's calling, and each time he refused, he only made it worse. And when he finally did succumb to God's plan, he was mocked even more. He was the laughing stock of the nation. Much, I'm sure, as the real Noah was. Surely Noah had to care a little bit about his ruined reputation. Surely the jeers of the people had to sting a bit. Evan's humiliation may have been exaggerated for comedic purposes, but Noah's was real, and I'm sure it was painful. His pride was an obstacle he had to overcome, in order to take up the hammer. He willingly faced the mockery of the world to follow God. He let go of his pride, and walked in obedience. And look what God did with that.

In a different vein, reading "Many Waters" was also enlightening. In this book, the twins accidentally stumble into one of their father's time experiments, and end up back in the days of Noah, right before the flood. It was intriguing. It is an adult (or rather, young adult) telling of the story, where Noah and his family are imperfect but trying, where the world is wicked, where angels and unicorns and mythical beasts all play a part, where fallen angels seek to deceive and distract. It was a bit grittier than the Sunday school lessons of the past, and I found myself thinking of it for days after I finished the last page.

So, the other day, when Czarina brought up Noah for some reason or another, I answered her questions with enthusiasm, with a passion that I have not felt for this story in many years, if ever. I was surprised to realize how enouraged I am now by Noah, by the lengths he was willing to go to obey God. This story for children, of cute little animals peeking out of the windows of the ark, of a happy rainbow painting the sky-- this story is for ME. When perilous waters rise around us, it is our obedience that keeps us safely floating in the waves, safely floating in God's will. Noah's obedience built the ark, and the ark was salvation from a watery grave. It was Pride and Disobedience that perished in the flood, and I will remember that when I see the sign of the rainbow in the sky. I will remember the faithfulness of Noah, and I will be encouraged by it.

Anyway, just a few thoughts there I wanted to share. Not sure if that all came together the way I intended, but maybe I'll come back to it later. For now, the Matrix is on, and I can't ignore it any longer! Must watch.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:35 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 8, 2007

Needing

With Christmas coming up, I know I'm not the only one praying, very specifically, for some moolah. With four kids and a large extended family, this is a difficult time for us. So I break it down for God- just how much we need for bills, for gifts, and this time, for relocating. Ya know, in case He's not entirely sure. He's got an itemized list of WonderGirl's financial needs. The Winter 2007 Budget Proposal is presented daily, with hopeful, and oft times, desperate, fervency. I've even worked up a PowerPoint pitch, complete with graphs and colorful clipart.

But last night, it occured to me that I'm doing an awful lot of praying about material needs and not much about my spiritual. When is the last time I asked for wisdom? And kindess? Compassion? Discernment? Gentleness, contentment, humilty? How about a prayer to curb my tongue, to see the good in people, to love my enemies? To be encouraging, to be hospitable, to be productive? There are so many deficiencies in my spiritual condition, and these are things for which I need to daily approach the Lord - with fervency, desperation, and hope.

Material needs are important, and I do believe that God wants us to ask for those things. He cares about them and He will provide. But there is no doubt, He is more concerned with our hearts than our bank account.

Colossians 3:12-17 says:

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

I don't know if we will ever have an abundance of material things, though that would surely be nice. But truly, I am coming to care less for that, as God reveals the spiritual abundance to be found in Him, if we will only ask.

Posted by WonderGirl at 10:45 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 5, 2007

A Wind in the Door

I just finished the sequel to A Wrinkle in Time (M. L'Engle), and the ending of this book was so beautiful, I nearly cried. The metaphor for repentance is so very obvious, I'm surprised that I didn't remember it even from way back when.

Meg and Calvin are trying to convince Sporos, a mischievous microscopic creature, that it's time to Deepen, time to fulfill his purpose in life. And he's rebelling against it because he thinks he knows better, he thinks he will be limited and trapped if he complies with his destiny. He is believing the lie of the Enemy. He doesn't know that it will mean his death if he doesn't Deepen. He doesn't know that joy and freedom beyond all measure await him if he'll just follow the course before him, if he'll just Deepen. Liberty, not imprisonment, waits for him in obedience, but he cannot see it.

Oh, Sporos. Blind, decieved little creature. When we turn away from our central purpose in life, when we scorn our Creator and His design for us, we walk a path to destruction. We believe a lie, that we don't need God, that we will find greater happiness within ourselves. We reject God, and embrace Death. We have a million reasons, a thousand justifications... we blanket ourselves in thick layers of lies, of defiance, so that our ears can't hear the Truth. We muffle out the call for repentance, we silence the summoning of the Spirit. All for the love of our flesh. But if we serve our flesh, we die by it... forfeiting the spiritual life that exists beyond the here and now. We trade in an eternity of joyful feasting and celebrating, for a few mere moments of empty pleasure and gratification. Because we seek after our own hearts, we will perish, and we will extinguish the glory God had planned for us forever.

The Enemy does not rest, he beckons and tempts and lies without ceasing. He distracts and discourages and distorts. He knows you, knows your weaknesses, and he tailors his strategy just for you. Refuse him, deny him! He holds death in his hand, wrapped up prettily, waiting for you to take it for your own. Leave him holding his own condemnation, and instead, seize the salvation God has for you. Embrace that to which you are called.

Calvin beseeches the imperiled creature, "Deepen, Sporos, that is where your reality lies. That is how you will find your place, and how you will find your true center." It is not only Sporos who needs these words.

**

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."

This is our purpose, our reason for being, and in it we will find not only our salvation, but also our greatest joy... our Deepening.

Posted by WonderGirl at 1:00 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

October 31, 2007

Taking Back Halloween

Hello, my name is WonderGirl, I'm a Christian, and I take my children trick or treating.

Why? CANDY! And dressing up in fun costumes. And carving pumpkins into silly faces. And scary corn mazes. Did I mention the candy?

But it's more than that. I feel led to celebrate Halloween. I'll explain.

I'm tempted to just link to some other people who have given such good explanations about why Christians can (and mayhaps should) celebrate Halloween. But that seems like cheating in some way, so I'll give you the long and short of why WE celebrate, with liberal use of exerpts here and there that say it better than I can.

There are SO many misconceptions about the origins of Halloween. I won't go into them all, because that's been done quite a bit. You can read a good synopsis here. Suffice it to say, most of what the secular world thinks about Halloween is just out and out false historically.

Halloween is "All Hallows’ Eve". It is the day before All Saints Day, which is November 1. Jim Jordan gives a good run down of All Saint's Day (HT to Rich for this link): "It is the celebration of the victory of the saints in union with Christ. The observance of various celebrations of All Saints arose in the late 300s, and these were united and fixed on November 1 in the late 700s. The origin of All Saints Day and of All Saints Eve in Mediterranean Christianity had nothing to do with Celtic Druidism or the Church’s fight against Druidism (assuming there ever even was any such thing as Druidism, which is actually a myth concocted in the 19th century by neo-pagans.)"

It is not "the devil's day". It is actually the very opposite. Satan has been thwarted, Christ has won the victory, and this is a day of celebration! We remember those saints that have gone on before us, and laugh at the defeat of our enemy. More from Jim Jordan: "This is why the custom arose of portraying Satan in a ridiculous red suit with horns and a tail. Nobody thinks the devil really looks like this; the Bible teaches that he is the fallen Arch-Cherub. Rather, the idea is to ridicule him because he has lost the battle with Jesus and he no longer has power over us." Halloween is a day of mockery. It reduces the power of Satan to plastic fangs and fake blood... it is a day when the ghoulish and ghastly are really nothing more than peeled grapes in a bowl, cold cooked spaghetti. It is a day when someone says, "BOO!" and we laugh.

So, we've got this holiday that we've relinquished culturally over the years. The meaning of the day is convoluted. So what to do about that? Reclaim it. Don't be afraid of it. What have we to fear? Spooks have no power over the name of Jesus Christ! Laugh at the futile, pitiful attempts of the Fallen. Don't cower in your house, with the lights off, warding off the evil of trick or treaters. Brandy says it so well on her blog: "We are to be missional Christians. What kind of message does it send to the world we are supposed to be reaching, especially the kids, when they find a dark porch with no candy or a note that says "We don't participate in this holiday." How much better would it be if, in the midst of such a dark night, we had the brightest house on the block, decorated with tons of white lights. We could hand out the BEST candy! Full sized candy bars. And, if you have time to spare, make cool wrappers to tape around that say, "Taste and see that the Lord is good! Psalm 34:8" That is one night that we have a unique opportunity. When kids from non christian families in our neighborhood come to our house year after year hopefully they will remember the Christians as the most generous, the most joyous, the least fearful."

I love that!

Are there elements of Halloween that we should be careful of? Well, naturally. The Bible is pretty clear on avoiding evil and embracing righteousness. But we are salt and light, as much on October 31st as any other day of the year. We shouldn't give that day away because we are afraid. Dennis Ruport says, "While Christians should absolutely avoid pagan practices, Christian hype tends to make us overreact to benign folk elements of Halloween. We appear like zany buffoons to the world when there is no necessity for doing so. Furthermore, our groundless retreat from all elements of Halloween leaves a vacuum that wicked elements delight to fill."

So there you have it. That's why we celebrate Halloween.

(But mostly just the candy. Ha.)

PS: I am including our weekly pastoral letter in the extended entry for my own record keeping, and in case you are interested in reading a more detailed theological defense of Halloween. There's definitely a reason Rich gets the paycheck! It's great!

Continue reading "Taking Back Halloween"

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October 12, 2007

On Need

Been reading through Mark lately. I have a confession. I've only now just gotten into a really consistent, diligent Bible study. Sad, but true. I'd been coasting too long, relying on generally being a good person, going to church, and not moving my feet when I dance. (You have to be Baptist to get that joke. Sorry.) Anyway, God gave me a big whop on the noggin, and I've buckled down. So, I've worked my way through a couple books with my sister, and we decided Mark needed some attention. I felt a little sorry for it. It seems overlooked to me. Matthew and Luke get all the props, and poor Mark just gets lost in the shuffle, despite the fact that it was probably written first.

Anyway, it's been interesting. Mark chronicles the ministry of Jesus. This includes His parables and miracles, which, after being a Christian for 26 years, I'm pretty familiar with. No pat on the back, I'm just saying. So I wasn't sure what I'd get out of it. I am loving it, though. What's really stood out to me is all the passion and drama of the people around Jesus. Nothing was mild or lukewarm-everything was so extreme.

I see this specifically in the people's desperate need of Him. They were sick and maimed and possessed- they had leprosy or bleeding diseases or they were DEAD. Their circumstances were dire- catastrophic even. Their need was fierce, and they would do anything to get close to Him. They thronged Him in the streets, reaching, straining, just to touch His garments. They would knock holes in the ceiling to get closer, they would leave their jobs and change their names and follow Him without question, even across the water's surface. Their numbers were so great that He had to get in boats, or on mountains, to preach to them all. Their desire to see Him was so intense that thousands of people would leave home with no food, no money, no preparation for a journey, no thought but seeing and hearing Him. And He fed them all, more that once, with baskets of loaves leftover. They followed Him from town to town, lining the streets, filling the temple, the squares, the homes. At times the crowd was so overwhelming, He had to flee to deserts, mountain tops, islands, just for rest. They were everywhere, all the time, with constant petitions and needs.

I mean, WOW. Can you imagine? He came to a desperate people. They were lost, hopeless without Him. They knew it, knew He was the only way to salvation from their ailments - knew He could cast out the demons, heal the lame, the blind, raise the dead... they knew it and did whatever they could to get to Him. Their physical conditions urged them to Him, but He not only answered those needs. Most importantly, He addressed their spiritual conditions. He healed them, in body and in soul.

And what was true then is no less true today. I need Him. As urgently and critically as the leper, the widow, the taxcollector... I need Him and I must go to the ends of the earth to follow Him. I must climb mountains, go hungry, scale a tree -- I must do whatever is necessary to touch His robes. He is my only hope.

I think it is only when we can begin to see that in ourselves, see our broken state, that we can start to understand how desperately we need a Savior. Going to church is good. Keeping the ten commandments, good. Learning Bible verses, yup, that's good, too. But it's not enough. It never will be. We've got to see that no matter what we do, how good we are, that we are blind and lame and DEAD before God. We need Him in every sense of the word. We must seek Him, and seek Him, and seek Him. And seek Him some more. Whether it's the mountains or the valleys or the deserts, whether we're rich or poor or hungry or fed or walking or lame or bleeding or in the middle of something... wherever and whatever we are, we need Him or we'll perish.

Anyway, so that's what I've gotten out of Mark so far. Good stuff.

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October 7, 2007

Living Vine

I wish every mother I know could have been with me at church the last few weeks. I have never been so encouraged, so admonished, so certain that my pastor must be reading my diary. Kidding. Honestly though, the sermons lately have been so overwhelmingly relevant to my life, to where I am right now, that it's spooky. He's been doing a series on the family, and of course, I've paid extra attention to the part about mothers/wives. And to be honest, I think I'd started to forget, or maybe I never fully comprehended, just how important my job is. Just how vital and high a calling I have as a mother.

There is nothing more important, no greater deed to accomplish, than doing this job well. Wow. Let that one soak in. It doesn't mean that a woman can't excel in the professional world, because obviously we can. (Cause we rock.) But, the cost is too great if it means domestic failure. There is no more noble, valuable, respectable, honor-deserving job than the one I am doing right now. I don't have to prove myself in any other thing, I don't have to have the world's validation, I don't have to make a name for myself, I don't have to distinguish myself from my role of wife and mother. Am I more than that? Of course I am. But even what small thing I contribute to the world at large is still tiny in comparison to what I am building in these four walls. What is more consequential- being a few things to all people, or all things to a few people? I may write a book, that thousands of people read, and are affected by for an hour. But in comparison to the affect I have on the four lives of my children, which is twenty-four hours a day, every day, every month, every year... which is the greater contribution? Who do I impact more? Which one of these must I excel at, which depends on my success the most?

It doesn't mean I don't want to have more definition to my life than that of wife/mother-- I do. But it is the lesser need, the lesser calling. That's not a popular concept in our American culture. We're all about our individuality and self actualization, but that's not Biblical. We're to be servants, we're called to sacrifice, take up our cross. "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"--Mark 8:36. I don't want to garner the world's favor, which is ever so brief and fickle, at the cost of God's eternal pleasure. Sometimes that means putting aside some personal pursuits, being selfless. And you know what- that doesn't feel good. It wouldn't be sacrifice if it was giving up something that didn't matter. But that's what we're commanded to do. It's not that they are bad things - fishing isn't a bad thing, but Jesus commanded Simon and Andrew to leave it, and follow Him. Sometimes that's what it takes. Leave it, bury it, put it aside. And you will be honored for it, rewarded, if not in this present life, then most definitely in the next. Don't be so caught up in this moment and the daily sacrifice of motherhood that you can't see what comes after.

I don't know if you struggle with these kinds of things, but I'm willing to bet that if you stay at home with your kids, you do. We've forgotten what dignity there is in the dirty dishes. What honor is won in battling dust bunnies and soap scum. That with every household chore we do, we honor God, we model Christ to our children, we build our homes- and that is spiritual warfare. For every Christian home that remains intact, it is a strike against the foe. And we women are on the frontlines of that, everyday, armed with mops and brooms and hearts that serve. It may seem humorous, and it is, because we serve a God with a sense of humor. But it's true. Our hands further the kingdom, and our hearts preserve it.

We should believe that.

But we know it's about more than just those daily tasks. Anybody could do those- we could hire someone to come in and do all those things. It's about more than just the chores we do. It's about who we are, what we are, to our family, that makes motherhood so very meaningful, and makes us individually so important.

You are the living vine of your home, you grow and flourish in every nook and cranny. Your creativity and personality are a bouquet of colors, your breath is the sweet scent of the bloom, your body is the cool shade where they lay their heads... Your roots stabilize, your stems and branches protect and shield, even though you don't know it. You grow in and around everything, creating a rich, lush canopy that shelters and nourishes. Everything about you, yes YOU- you with your love of crossword puzzles, or mystery novels, or chamomile tea, or the color purple, or whatever those things are that make you YOU... those things matter. You matter. Everything about you creates a world for your family. Every nuance of who you are, every quirk, eccentricity- the songs you hum, the perfume you wear, the way you smile, the whole contour of your being... is completely and utterly meaningful. Like the vine, you send tendrils of yourself in every direction. You set the tone, your uniqueness grows a family that is special, different, distinct from any other in the whole world.

You don't just create a home, my sister. You are the home. And it is beautiful in their eyes.

That thought... wow. It fills a need in me, one that goes bonedeep, to feel needed and important... to know why I'm here and what God wants from me.

I hope it will do the same for you. If you want to listen to the series of sermons that inspired this post- go here. (Biblical Theology of the Family, Part 1) They're just incredible. Much of what I've said is straight from his sermons... good thing plagiarism isn't one of the seven deadly sins. Ha.

Now, I don't know about you, but I've gotta go call my momma and tell her I love 'er. Have a good one, folks.

Posted by WonderGirl at 2:36 PM | Comments (16) | TrackBack

October 4, 2007

Brought from Blindness

I have always loved the story of Helen Keller. I must have watched "The Miracle Worker" a thousand times in my lifetime. To me, it is the very picture of God's redemption of His people. He penetrates the darkness of our minds, of our hearts - just as Annie Sullivan reached Helen. And just like Annie, God doesn't always reach us the first time. How we fight Him! We throw plates and scratch His arms, and kick and scream in our ignorance. We sit mute in His presence, with no understanding of the world. How many times must He spell the words into our hands, how many times must He repeat Himself until that day, that magical day, when we understand?

“My heart is singing for joy this morning! A miracle has happened! The light of understanding has shone upon my little pupil's mind, and behold, all things are changed!”

Annie Sullivan's words, but are they? Doesn't God rejoice in this very same thought, when one of His finally understands?

I feel like I have been Helen Keller for so long, for most of my life. I just didn't get it. And then, one day, a light of understanding penetrated my ignorance. And I am a changed person for it. What darkness did I escape, you ask? Does it matter? It is the same darkness we all live in. Anywhere that is apart from God is darkness.

Water- W A T E R... that is the word that changed Helen's life. The word that brought her from the void into the light. My word is another, different, just as yours is different... God patiently spells them all, waiting.

If you stumble in that void today, may your moment be this morning. May the waters of understanding flow over your fingers this very day.

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October 2, 2007

Forgiveness

It isn't until you realize how desperately you need it, that you learn how to truly give it.

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August 2, 2007

Random Introspection

Sometimes I think too much. And other times, I don't think enough.

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July 25, 2007

Magic Beans

Thank you, God, for the coffee bean. It's existence is proof indeed of Intelligent Design.

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July 15, 2007

Living Bread

I love Communion.

Growing up Baptist, we had the Lord's Supper about once a month, and it was a very different experience than I have now as a Presybterian. We had unleavened wafers and grape juice. It was open to members of the church who had made a confession of faith. I think visitors were welcome to take it, but I can't remember exactly. Anyway, the pastor usually spoke beforehand about the importance of confession and repentance. I'm sure he spoke of other things too, but there was a clear emphasis on bringing judgement upon ourselves by taking the Lord's Supper unprepared. I always worried that I wasn't properly penitent. I half dreaded it, to be honest.

As I got older, my understanding of Communion changed, and whether it is due to natural maturity in my Christian walk, or to a different denominational interpretation of the sacrament, I do not know. But I do know that now, it is a much more powerful experience for me.

We observe the Lord's Supper every Sunday. We use a large, round loaf of sweet bread, and actual wine (much to the surprise of my mother that first time she visited! ha!) As the plate for the bread is passed around, you take your own portion. You are encouraged to take a good sized piece, enough to chew and satisfy. The wine is rich and warm in your throat. You would be surprised at the difference that these textures bring to the experience. Their tactile delights reflect the joy and abundance to be found at the Lord's table. They are the foods of feasts, celebrations - they are reflective of the blessings God pours out on us. Not the sober, tasteless, white wafer of my childhood. No offense intended, but that is an apt description.

I am not saying that our wild and crazy leavened bread makes us irreverent or unrepentant. But you will not hear many words of warning before the Lord's Supper. More often, you hear words of encouragment, of thankfulness. Come, let us sing before the table of the Lord, for He is good and merciful! We are not worthy of the Lord's Supper, not ever. No amount of repentance and confession wipes you white as snow. That's what makes Communion so amazing, that despite our pitiful state, we are welcomed to His table, because of Christ's work through us. He has made us acceptable in God's sight. When I began to approach the Lord's Supper with this mindset, it became a great joy to me. I was no longer afraid to eat and drink. Instead, I found great peace in this weekly joining with Christ.

Another major difference is that we include our children in the Eucharist. (ooh, look at me using big holy words!!) Now, this isn't specific to all Presbyterian churches, but it is something our particular church adheres to. I can go into the why of it, but that's another post. Anyway, this is a beautiful moment to me. To see my children partaking of the body and blood of Christ, it is a shared fellowship we have. We take their portion of bread, ministering to them as Christ ministers to the church. They hold it in their palms, sharing in the anticipation, in the reverence and importance. I am moved to hear my daughter singing the words of the Communion hymn, to see my sons eager for their piece of the Lord. It is soothing to a mother's heart, it is a living Promise of God's covenant with his people. It stills me, quiets my restless, anxious spirit.

I love to love Communion. I feel as the apostles of old must have felt as they pulled their chairs into that wooden table in the upper room. Awe, that they broke bread with their Savior, that they had been chosen, invited into His presence, though they knew for certain they didn't deserve the welcome. Warm and full, as physically satiated as they were spiritually. Comfortable, in the gentle, ordinary sounds of plates and glasses clinking around, the fullness of conversation and laughter. Or solemn, as Jesus spoke heavy words that they couldn't quite grasp until after His death.

Communion is more than the wine and bread and the words. It is remembrance of Him, His life, His works... but it is also remembrance of Him in OUR life, in OUR works. Communion prepares us for a week of remembering Him in every thing we say and do. It is a nourishment that extends beyond the table and into our very lives, which is exactly what He intended.

Well, that's all. I can't think of a snappy ending to my thoughts, so I will end here. Enjoy your day of rest.

Posted by WonderGirl at 6:00 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

July 4, 2007

Leaves of Three, Let It Be.

Seeing as how I have spent much of my time lately preoccupied with my poison ivy, I have attempted to find it's redeeming quality. Certainly it must have one, certainly the Creator imbued it with some sacred purpose, as He did the rest of nature. Even the lowest creature has some divine fundamental duty. If I could understand it's place in the master design, then perhaps I could forgive it's unpleasant existence.

That proved to be more difficult that I anticipated. The only reasonable explanation I could come up with is that poison ivy is a metaphor for sin. Stay with me here.

First, you get poison ivy when you are not paying attention. You must be on guard for it's presence at all times as you travel the woods. You also get it when you wander off the designated trail, the way that is clearly